VIKING FAN WHO REFUSED TO SHAVE UNTIL THE VIKES WON THE SUPER BOWL...DIES WITH BEARD
As a Minnesotan and a Viking fan I can relate to this level dedication. But I have given up any long term declarations for fear that I may actually end up an ironic headline. Hats off to Emmet for his commitment and for having a name that sounds both Minnesotan and old. You may say he was crazy or stupid but in a world devoid of any actual devotion he's a bit of a hero I say. This old coot wouldn't even shave for his daughters wedding 18 years ago. Last years high school grad's don't have the commitment it would take to go an entire game without touching their phone much less 38 years without shaving. Pour out a little liquor for homie Emmet.
RED SOX v. CARDS = WHOSE FANS DESERVE IT LESS SERIES
I didn't take long for the Red Sox to go from loveable loser to World Series regulars. And even less time for the long suffering fan base to become unsuffereable. And fans of the Cardinals have a decades long tradition of thumbing their noses at the rest of us hot dog eaters. I'm rooting for this years World Series to be over so it stops interrupting my favorite Fox shows.
MALE JETS FAN CELEBRATES WIN BY PUNCHING A WOMAN
Validating my claim you can't trust a grown man wearing a players jersey, Jets fan Kurt Paschke was so jacked up after a Jet's victory he needed to punch a woman. That may seem excessive and a tad irrational but when you consider how wasted he was and that in 1992 he stabbed and killed a man outside a Pizza shop, you realize how much restraint he showed. Cheers to you psycho. You need to stop watching sports. And killing people. And punching women in the face. Afterward he ate a Jets themed birthday cake his mom made for him. Not making that up. Turns out his dads a cop so if he only did 3 years for killing someone he probably won't even be fined for punching a woman.
Shit Stupid Sports Fans Say: "Lebron James would've never won a championship in Cleveland."
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