If You Want To Book Live Music, Then Make It Matter

Having been in a band for over 15 years I have plenty of experience when it comes playing live shows in bars and clubs.  I have played to packed rooms, empty rooms and in between with nothing but what seemed to be fate to determine which it would be.  My own frustration’s with the way the scene was handled by those who book bands were brought back to the surface recently when a friend of mine in a local band shared with me the following. 

His band was playing a club in St. Paul and was told the starting times for each band would be determined by which band pre-sold the most tickets.  Meaning that if you have 4 bands, the band who sold the most tickets gets to pick it’s time slot first.  Then the band that sold the second most picks and so on.  This may seem fair on the surface but in reality it’s a flawed business model that benefits neither the bands nor the clubs interests.  Where are the bands supposed to sell these tickets?  Who are they supposed to sell them to?  Treating these events like a Cub Scout expo where the more tickets they sell the more rewards you get is demeaning and doesn’t get more people into the club.  It reminded me of my own experiences and thing I would like to see changed.  So in a “for what it’s worth” effort here is what I think would foster a better music scene while making it more profitable for the clubs and the bands. 

1)  Establish a weeknight where you showcase local music.  Sunday – Wednesday are typically nights where attendance is iffy on a good night.  For the record I think only showcasing local live music Thurs-Sat makes the most sense If you insist on 7 days a week make it worth it both the bands and the venues time.  The current model depends on the members of the bands to hang around buying drinks when they aren’t playing.  Considering the club probably isn’t paying them much more than one free drink to play that night, it may seem like a good safety net on the surface.  But it’s really just done because that’s what’s been done and it’s easier than making your club a destination for people who enjoy live music.  Make the music as important as the atmosphere, flow, drink specials etc. and people will come because they know THIS bar really looks for good bands.

2)  Have some sort of drink specials and have a representative of the establishment announce them on stage between every band.  Make it known that every week you will have similar specials and push it.  If people know you offer the best of up and coming local music as well as drink specials they will come back.  Again knowing THIS bar has something to offer.  Too often drink specials are treated like a secret they hope you don’t find out about.  You should have specials you want people to take part of.   

3)  Have a clear criteria for any band who wants to play that night.  Whether it be someone from the club goes out to see them or as simple as a waiting list where the band just waits their turn as if waiting for a table at a restaurant.  The current model is basically getting to know someone who knows someone who knows the sound guy.  That’s just lazy.  This shows the club doesn’t care to hold whoever books the bands to be accountable.  It does nothing for quality control.  In this scenario you are guaranteeing that bad bands will get opportunities and good ones won’t.  Because having a connection and having talent do not go hand in hand.    

4)  No cover.  The whole ticket pre-sale is built around the idea that bands have plenty of friends who want to go see their friends bands on weeknights.  That’s just not realistic.  Friends, while supportive, rarely want to go to see their buddies band every time he plays a local club on anymore than they want to see their buddy bartend every night he works.  Do you hire a waiter or waitress with the idea that his or her friends will be a significant part of your sales?  Of course not.  Friends of the bands shouldn’t be who you are trying to get in your club.  They won’t stay for all the bands meaning they won’t be buying drinks all night.  You want to make your club a destination for people who want to see new local music.  And they’re out there.  Make the night more about them and less about the bands actually benefits both the club and the bands.  Once again who are trying to make your money off of?  The members of the bands who you are paying nothing to perform?  Or people who enjoy your club because of what you offer?  And bands, who would rather have in the audience?  People who have never seen you before?  Or a combination of the handful of friends you successfully baited into coming out that night and members of the other bands who are playing with you that night? 

5)  Quality control.  Bands will have bad nights.  And some bands are just bad.  Stop the practice of hiring one band and having them fill the night.  Why booking agents for clubs are allowed to get away with this is beyond me.  The people booking the bands should know who they are booking.  It should be a job requirement.  Just because one band is good doesn’t make their buddies band any good.  You squeeze out good bands because this is easier.  I assume someone is paying you with the idea you in turn will generate money for them.  Bar owners:  Do you know what your booking agent is doing?  And once you have bands you know perform well, have them back.  Put them with other bands that are good.  You will increase your venues reputation and grow the audiences.  Book hard rock bands with other hard rock bands and alt rock bands with alt rock bands etc.  My band is a hard rock band bordering on metal.  We were once booked on a bill with a country alt band, a black metal act and a comedian.  None of us looked good that night.

6)  Generally speaking, the bands playing these nights are not getting paid anything worth their effort.  The least you can do is treat them with respect.  Drop the holier than thou routine when a new band wants to know what they need to do to get a slot on one of these nights.  Just tell them.  There is no downside to treating people with respect.  Here’s an exercise to try.  Pick a bar at random and see how easy it is to find out who books the bar.  Then see how easy it is to contact them.  Do they get back to you?  I know bands trying to get a gig can be pesky.  Guess what?  That’s part of the job.  Understand this.  If people need to kiss your ass to get you to give them a couple of minutes, they know it.  Start running a karaoke night at Chi Chi’s if you are desperate for that kind of acknowledgement.  

7)  Don’t call it “New Band Night”.  All that says is “Don’t come because the bands suck”.  If you know who you are booking you should know what to expect.  Again make it about the night and the venue.  Call it Live Music Happy Hour or something that gives people a reason to come.  If you are going to feature the best of un-established bands, making it about the band is going to fail.  Remember, just like established bands, un-established bands don’t have enough friends to make it worth opening the doors.

The bottom line is this.  The current system makes for a bad scene and from what I’ve experienced can’t be making the clubs any real money.  Cover charge’s should be for bands that are guaranteed a payday.  If you are not paying a band enough to cover gas and their time, then you have no excuse to charge people to see them.  Make your money off the drinks.  Bands, be honest.  Are you good enough?  If not don’t waste anyone’s time until you are.  You can only damage your reputation if you are unprepared or untalented.  It’s time for bands and the clubs to realize they are partners and spend more time working together.  And from my experience that means most clubs are going to have to do more. 

Five Songs Paul Stanley Insists Upon Us

By any measure Paul Stanley has been at the very least a prolific song writer.  By most measures he has been a great songwriter.  He often gets pigeonholed as a one trick pony who writes rock n roll sex anthems and while he has written plenty of them he’s also responsible for timeless rock songs like Black Diamond, God Of Thunder, and Detroit Rock City.  He may be the inventor of the power ballad with the dreadful tune Hold Me, Touch Me from his 1978 solo album and Rap Metal with the underappreciated All Hells Breaking Loose.  While he’s had a couple of flat out bad songs (My Way) he’s also responsible for what is quite possibly the greatest marriage of lyric and melody with the song C’Mon and Love Me.  Anyone who listens to the first verse and doesn’t become erect is deaf. 

But for about 5 years starting somewhere around 1979 KISS albums started to include a new style of Paul Stanley song.  They weren’t ballads by any definition but the sure as hell didn’t rock either.  At first appearance they seem like a regular hard rock song but it soon becomes clear that these songs require one to stop and listen to properly absorb.  They insist upon themselves.  And they are no fun to listen to.  They sound as if they were intentionally recorded without energy or passion.   

Filler songs have existed since the album era pushed out the single’s era.  I don’t think these songs are filler.  I’ve always gotten the vibe that Paul was quite proud of these songs as most of them have appeared in a setlist for at least one tour.  They all tell a story.  It’s almost as if Paul awoke one day and wanted to be the Hard Rock Springsteen.  I’ve dubbed these songs Snore Rock.  So in chronological order, here are the 5 songs the Paul Stanley insists upon us.

Sure Know Something - This was originally released on Dynasty.  But kind of to my point I had no idea.  When I got KISS Killers in 1985 I assumed it was one of the new songs recorded for that worthless release.  And I owned Dynasty.  Sure I was only 9 when I got it but I remembered every other song on that record.  Even Dirty Livin made an impact.  But not this song.  It tells the story of man who may appear naïve in the world of banging chicks.  But he’s not.  He has been up and down and all around and had his heart broken.  He then goes on to self medicate his broken heart with lots of sex.  You may think that description describes a song you’d like to hear.  It doesn’t. 

Keep Me Coming – This comes from Creatures of The Night which is otherwise a great record.  Here he tells the story of an young innocent girl trying to make it in a big city.  Paul decides to help break out of her shell by having crazy sex with her.  The melody and music, like all of these songs, scream background music.  They offer the same level of songwriting acumen as the guy supplying the serious tones in an episode of Law & Order. 

 

Get All You Can Take – This testament to Snore Rock comes courtesy the album Animalize.  After songs about sexing with chicks and partying this is probably Paul’s most recurring topic when writing lyrics.  The us against them and we don’t need them mantra.  People are always looking at him wherever he goes as if they wonder what the hell’s wrong with him.  But he doesn’t care about their rat race.  After all with all their rules it’s a race for fools that he can never win.  It starts with a similar riff as Keep Me Coming and equally boring.    

Thrills In The Night – Also off of Animalize.  They did the listener a favor by not putting them together in the song sequence.  Having to hear them back to back would probably bring on early onset Alzheimer’s.  This song tells the story of a woman who during the day, by all appearance seems like a regular girl working a 9-5 job.  But there’s a woman that nobody see’s living inside.  So at night, surprise, she’s a fucking whore.  This song was played for most of the Animalize tour in what I assume was to give people more time to buy a t shirt or take a piss.   

Who Wants To Be Lonely – They actually made a video for this piece of shit.  They should’ve called this Who Wants To Listen to this fucking song.  In his book Paul made mention that Gene was mailing it in at this point.  Just going through the motions when it came time to write songs.  Not giving it his all like Paul was.  And this whole album suffers from the Bruce Kulick effect but if this is Paul giving it his all, and Anyway You Slice It is Gene half assing it then Paul should be looking to Gene for songwriting tips.  Honestly I’m trying to remember the lyrics to this but I keep ending up with a mish mash of Keep Me Coming and Thrills In The Night.  All I can muster up without listening to it is the dreadful chorus with the whiny Woooah oooah oh oh.  Just thinking about this song has me making an appointment with a therapist.

So there you go.  5 songs that Rock and Roll Hall of famer Paul Stanley insists upon us.  And Paul, you’ve shown a willingness to admit to some misfires.  Anytime you talk about the Elder you seem to wince.  You may not initially agree but search your feelings.  You know I be right.  But I forgive you Starchild.  You have written some of my favorite and in my humble opinion some of the greatest rock songs of all time.  But these songs are torture and need to be placed in a vault labeled songs that should never be heard again.  Someday you will understand.  Someday you will thank me.         

Why GMA Is Bad For Your Brain

Good Morning America recently welcomed the addition of Michael Strahan to its morning newscast.  This came after a flurry of change as underrated Sam Champion left for the Weather Channel.  He was replaced by bubbly Ginger Zee who was making the move from weekend weather girl.  Overrated Josh Elliot split for a gig talking sports for NBC.  And apparently left in such a manner the ABC news president refused him the opportunity to say goodbye to his fans.  He was replaced by Amy Robach.  And then for what seems to be no reason they announced the promotion of Lara Spencer to co-anchor. 

WE NEED MORE PENIS

Strahans first day on the job opens with a camera shot of a ridiculously crowded table of talking heads.  So how do they start the show?  By kicking the first 4 stories to 4 additional talking heads deemed not worthy of  seat at the grown ups table.  Meaning for this broadcast they had 10 people give us 4 news stories.  Hmmmm (checking my math)… that’s .4 stories per head.  That’s fucking stupid and kind of hard to watch.  Now there are people with ratings and market research who will tell me I’m wrong and while they may be right, I’m definitely not wrong.

I am aware that GMA is far from hard hitting news.  In fact it’s a good gauge for when something that was once cool no longer is simply by appearing on their show.  (Viral videos.  Gene Simmons.)  But it is still classified as news.  Why does the American public need to be distracted to enjoy news?  Why would we ever feel the need to tweet what we’re watching?  Why do we think the news is better when it’s starts with dialogue like this.

George:  Good morning America.  I’m George Stephanopoulos.  And this is Robin Robinson.  Good morning Robin.

Robin:  Good morning George and good morning America.  We’re pleased to welcome Michael Strahan to our panel of teleprompter readers.  Good Morning Michael.

Strahan:  Good morning Robin.  Good morning George.  Good morning America.  I’m happy to join the show.

George:  Fucking great to have ya!  For our first story.  We have more unsubstantiated speculation regarding that plane that crashed into the ocean somewhere.  For that we’re gonna kick it to Michelle Franzen who has no actual news to report.

Franzen:  Good morning George.  Good morning Robing.  Good Morning Michael.  Good morning America. 

AHHHHHH!

Lets dissect. 

When Sam Champion left the logical replacement was Ginger Zee.  She had been working the weekend weather for sometime is perfectly fine to look at and seems capable of putting together complete sentences.  Never mind that the weather is the biggest waste of time on any news channel the fact is people wanna see it so someone’s gotta do it.  Might as well be her. 

Then Josh Elliot is suddenly gone.  Off to add his specific brand of unoffensive opinion in an all sports format for NBC Sports.  The nerve.  This was apparently out of nowhere as he was not given the heroes send off that Sam Champion received.  He was replaced by the almost gender neutral Amy Robach.  No longer would she be one of people stories were kicked to.  She gets a seat at the big table. 

Now this move had a ripple effect.  Longtime weekend story teller Ron Claibourne who is also… black, had to be miffed that someone with less seniority and less skin pigment be chosen for the job he’s been doing on the weekends for years.  My suspicions on this were enhanced when the weekend edition of GMA had Dan Harris speaking of ole Ron as if her were the pope (Did you know Josh Elliot met the pope?) as they lead into a story about his magnanimous contribution to underprivileged youth in his home town.  What did Pope Ron do for these ne’r do well rapscallions to help put them on the straight and narrow?  He showed them how to do his job.  That’s right.  You too can read words on a screen.  Stay in school kids.

The next ripple came in the wake of Lara Spencer’s new title.  Now she has always given her job of covering celebrities too much importance, but why call her a co anchor?  But was there really a need for a title bump?  Friday of this tumultuous week had Robin out and instead of sliding newly anointed co-anchor Lara into her chair, they kept her off to the side and had Amy Robach sit in the spot typically reserved for Robin.  In what seemed like an effort to placate Lara she was given one of the shows first “serious” stories.

And why bring in Strahan?  I think after all the changes the producers realized something.  There’s only one man left on the show.  It’s unfortunate that so many female candidates were so qualified to replace outgoing cast members. “We need more penis!” shouts one the producers.  “Get me Strahan.  He’s got a penis!”    

Outside of George and Amy, everyone on the show has a hard time not coming off phony or self important.  Ginger wants the world to know she is not just a pretty face former cheerleader.  She’s an enthusiast of extreme weather.  Or more aptly, Xtreme weather.  Lara is the most logical choice to replace Josh in the arena of putting one’s self into a story.  And anytime some team wins a championship of some sort it seems they are from Robins home town.                 

Why does any of this matter?  Well it largely doesn’t.  But it does.  They have promo clips of cast members sneaking up on unsuspecting fans.  Fans?  Of a talking head?  They only thing that should matter for TV news on camera talent is to be easy to look at and the ability to form sentences while speaking clearly.  It is an extremely unimportant job and the idea that there are actual human brains that consider themselves fans in nauseating.  And look.  Just because there job is meaningless doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be compensated.  And it doesn’t mean anyone could do it.  (Almost anyone.) But aren't we passed the idea that being on TV is important? 

If ESPN decides they need 18 former jocks sitting on stools in a row to properly cover the Super Bowl, while just as ridiculous, it matters less as there is no pretense of importance.  While GMA isn’t hard hitting investigative journalism they do mix in a lot of serious news that affects the lives of Americans.  And to treat it like a gong show?  Why do we care how many people tell us the news?  Can’t the person anchoring the show also do the stories?  Would fewer people watch? 

Alas GMA is just a microcosm of how bad it’s gotten.  We need a hashtag superimposed in the lower corner of the screen so we can live tweet what we think about something we read on the news scrawl scrolling across the bottom of the screen while we digest live coverage of flooding in Alabama.