Review - Paul Stanley: Face The Music A Life Exposed or... It Must Be NIce To Eat Swordfish Whenever You Want

So now every member of KISS has officially written a book.  Or at least had help writing a book.  I’ve read Gene’s (Look at all the famous people I have in my rolodex.)  Then Ace’s (Girls are attracted to me.  And my penis is big.)  Then came Peter’s (Paul’s gay, Elton John wanted me to drum for him and my penis is bigger than Ace’s.)  And lastly we have Paul’s. 

 

If you suspect Paul went last intentionally.  Reading his book will confirm it.  Paul has touted his book as a story about overcoming obstacles.  And I suppose it is but it’s rings a little whiny considering the largest obstacles in life he overcame by his late 20’s.  But discusses them into his late 50’s.  He was lonely.  His wife never seemed impressed with how awesome he was.  Gene is selfish.  At about the 300 page mark you just feel like Paul needs to hang out at more KISS conventions because it seems the only thing his life is missing is constant praise. 

 

One thing becomes clear right quick.  He’s also got it in for Peter.  He pulls no punches with Gene either but his criticisms of Gene seem more honest and legit.  His problem with Peter seems personal.  And considering Peter said he caught Paul giving Ace a blowjob in his book, it may be deserved.  But that doesn’t make it true.  I’ve seen Peter in KISS and I can tell you as recently as the Farewell Tour he was able to play drums and he could sing an entire song without help.  From the beginning Paul talks of Peter as someone who could barely face the proper direction behind a drum kit much less play it, he couldn’t sing without constant coaching and was a dumb illiterate complainer.  For someone who has pretty much projected an air of taking the high road throughout his career, this seems petty.  That said, Paul has dealt with gay rumors his entire adult life.  And to have a former member of your make that same claim would make many of us retaliate. 

 

And speaking of being gay.  Paul spends too many words on the girls he banged.  I get it.  You had sex with chicks who were hot.  I got enough of that in Ace's book.  And while I found Paul's book the most revealing look into the inner workings of KISS, he also comes off as disingenuous at times.  He claims Eric Carr stopped talking to him on the Hot In The Shade Tour and never knew why.  Those of us who have spent our lives following this little band called KISS know this is bullshit. 

 

But in the end he sounds like someone who’s pretty much got everything anyone would ever want.  Fame, money, family, abs of steel and an Arena Football League team named after himself.  And who doesn’t want to own a restaurant with Gene Simmons?  At the end of his book I was left with one thought that will stick with me…

 

It must be nice to eat Swordfish whenever you want   

Five Songs Paul Stanley Insists Upon Us

By any measure Paul Stanley has been at the very least a prolific song writer.  By most measures he has been a great songwriter.  He often gets pigeonholed as a one trick pony who writes rock n roll sex anthems and while he has written plenty of them he’s also responsible for timeless rock songs like Black Diamond, God Of Thunder, and Detroit Rock City.  He may be the inventor of the power ballad with the dreadful tune Hold Me, Touch Me from his 1978 solo album and Rap Metal with the underappreciated All Hells Breaking Loose.  While he’s had a couple of flat out bad songs (My Way) he’s also responsible for what is quite possibly the greatest marriage of lyric and melody with the song C’Mon and Love Me.  Anyone who listens to the first verse and doesn’t become erect is deaf. 

But for about 5 years starting somewhere around 1979 KISS albums started to include a new style of Paul Stanley song.  They weren’t ballads by any definition but the sure as hell didn’t rock either.  At first appearance they seem like a regular hard rock song but it soon becomes clear that these songs require one to stop and listen to properly absorb.  They insist upon themselves.  And they are no fun to listen to.  They sound as if they were intentionally recorded without energy or passion.   

Filler songs have existed since the album era pushed out the single’s era.  I don’t think these songs are filler.  I’ve always gotten the vibe that Paul was quite proud of these songs as most of them have appeared in a setlist for at least one tour.  They all tell a story.  It’s almost as if Paul awoke one day and wanted to be the Hard Rock Springsteen.  I’ve dubbed these songs Snore Rock.  So in chronological order, here are the 5 songs the Paul Stanley insists upon us.

Sure Know Something - This was originally released on Dynasty.  But kind of to my point I had no idea.  When I got KISS Killers in 1985 I assumed it was one of the new songs recorded for that worthless release.  And I owned Dynasty.  Sure I was only 9 when I got it but I remembered every other song on that record.  Even Dirty Livin made an impact.  But not this song.  It tells the story of man who may appear naïve in the world of banging chicks.  But he’s not.  He has been up and down and all around and had his heart broken.  He then goes on to self medicate his broken heart with lots of sex.  You may think that description describes a song you’d like to hear.  It doesn’t. 

Keep Me Coming – This comes from Creatures of The Night which is otherwise a great record.  Here he tells the story of an young innocent girl trying to make it in a big city.  Paul decides to help break out of her shell by having crazy sex with her.  The melody and music, like all of these songs, scream background music.  They offer the same level of songwriting acumen as the guy supplying the serious tones in an episode of Law & Order. 

 

Get All You Can Take – This testament to Snore Rock comes courtesy the album Animalize.  After songs about sexing with chicks and partying this is probably Paul’s most recurring topic when writing lyrics.  The us against them and we don’t need them mantra.  People are always looking at him wherever he goes as if they wonder what the hell’s wrong with him.  But he doesn’t care about their rat race.  After all with all their rules it’s a race for fools that he can never win.  It starts with a similar riff as Keep Me Coming and equally boring.    

Thrills In The Night – Also off of Animalize.  They did the listener a favor by not putting them together in the song sequence.  Having to hear them back to back would probably bring on early onset Alzheimer’s.  This song tells the story of a woman who during the day, by all appearance seems like a regular girl working a 9-5 job.  But there’s a woman that nobody see’s living inside.  So at night, surprise, she’s a fucking whore.  This song was played for most of the Animalize tour in what I assume was to give people more time to buy a t shirt or take a piss.   

Who Wants To Be Lonely – They actually made a video for this piece of shit.  They should’ve called this Who Wants To Listen to this fucking song.  In his book Paul made mention that Gene was mailing it in at this point.  Just going through the motions when it came time to write songs.  Not giving it his all like Paul was.  And this whole album suffers from the Bruce Kulick effect but if this is Paul giving it his all, and Anyway You Slice It is Gene half assing it then Paul should be looking to Gene for songwriting tips.  Honestly I’m trying to remember the lyrics to this but I keep ending up with a mish mash of Keep Me Coming and Thrills In The Night.  All I can muster up without listening to it is the dreadful chorus with the whiny Woooah oooah oh oh.  Just thinking about this song has me making an appointment with a therapist.

So there you go.  5 songs that Rock and Roll Hall of famer Paul Stanley insists upon us.  And Paul, you’ve shown a willingness to admit to some misfires.  Anytime you talk about the Elder you seem to wince.  You may not initially agree but search your feelings.  You know I be right.  But I forgive you Starchild.  You have written some of my favorite and in my humble opinion some of the greatest rock songs of all time.  But these songs are torture and need to be placed in a vault labeled songs that should never be heard again.  Someday you will understand.  Someday you will thank me.         

KISS By The Numbers. Which Lineup Carries The Most Significance... Seriously.

Whether it was Bruce Kulick on the Arsenio Hall show in 1994 snarking that he’s been in the band longer than Ace and he’s still the new guy or more recently when Paul used the fact that the current lineup has been together almost as long as the original 4 members of KISS were as an excuse not to perform with Ace and Peter at the ROR HOF induction ceremony.  It has, from time to time, been said that KISS without Ace and Peter has been more relevant.  Typically using calendar years as evidence of significance. 

Let me state for the record that I find this to be a minority opinion and typically voiced by Gene or Paul.  I don’t feel that way for sure.  But it is not a fringe opinion.  As someone who considers himself to be an expert in all things KISS I can tell you that there has always been a segment of the fan base that fully supports whatever the current lineup is and any decisions it makes and products it releases.  To the extreme they feel the need to defend it.  I think they should’ve stopped after the reunion tour.  That’s my opinion.  There are fans of KISS that upon reading that sentence have already decided I hate the current band.  Which not only isn’t true it isn’t what I said.  What can you do?

I’ll tell you what you can do.  Take opinion out of the equation.  KISS as it is started performing in 2003.  On paper that’s just over 10 years.  The original band started in 1973 and Peter was officially out of the band in 1980 which is barely 7 years.  Sure they reunited for 5 years from 1996-2001 but they never did 10 years straight.  Plus there’s no reason to think this lineup won’t keep going at least 2 more years.  Toss in Eric’s years with the band before the reunion and it’s pretty clear.  The current lineup is more legit, more important and by default the more significant. 

But shouldn't the question be what did any lineup do with their time?  How productive were they?  What did Bruce Kulick really contribute to the legacy of KISS?  How important was the addition of Eric Singer in 1992?  And how does the current lineup truly stack up to previous lineups.  From 2003 to now, the current lineup has released a whopping 2 studio albums of new material.  The original four released their first two records in 8 months.  In the last decade both Gene and Paul have released solo albums and written books.  They started their own restaurant chain and purchased an arena league football team.  Paul did a solo tour and released a DVD all while he pursued his art career as a painter.  Gene had a reality TV series, started an advertising agency and Eric Singer found time to do a few tours with Alice Cooper as well as with his own project ESP.  By way of comparison Ace Frehley got shit for skipping out on a recording session to play cards with some friends. 

The point is simple.  10 days of inactivity in KISS are not equal to 1 day of productivity.  Time alone is an inaccurate and misleading way to measure significance.  In this instance anyway.  So I came up with a point system to determine what version of the band delivered the biggest bang for the buck.  I call it… BLOKE (or Bakko’s Law Of KISS Equation.)  It works like this.

Years in the band – 2 pts. Per year

Studio Albums – 5 pts. Per album

Live Albums – 3 pts. Per album

Shows Played – 10 Shows = 1 pt.

Album Sales – 100K = 1 pt.

Years with no tour/no album – 1 year = -20 pts.

And probably the most revealing statistic.

Songs in the current setlist – 1 pt for every year since release (ex. Deuce = 40 pts.  Hell or Halleluah = 2 pts)

As you see I not only give points to things like “years of service” and “shows played” but I felt it necessary to take points away for years of inactivity.  You can't give 1976 the same score as 2006.  3 tours and 2 albums vs. none of either.  My criteria for “inactivity” is the absence of a proper tour or record release.  A proper tour is considered a minimum of 25 dates in no more than 60 days.  I also felt the songs that are currently in the set list should be weighted giving points for longevity.  And I gave no points for the barrage of repackaging of previous material in the form of all the greatest hits, live etc albums that came out the last decade.  Also with the Ace and Peter in/out of the band in 2002-2003 I gave neither credit for those years.  For the sake of this equation 2003 is the start of the current lineup.  I also figured the powers that be chose to present Unmasked as an album with Peter Criss so I gave him credit for that.  I used the same reasoning for Ace on Creatures.  I did not overlap any members.  I used my best judgment when doing so and I didn’t award any points for the 78 solo albums, Best of Solo or Killers.

The Original lineup of Gene, Paul, Peter and Ace came in the highest with a BLOKE score of almost 734 while the current lineup of Gene, Paul, Eric Singer and Tommy came in last with a BLOKE score of 11 pts.  Even if you were to remove the penalty for years of inactivity they would still come in a distant third to the lineup of Gene, Paul, Eric Carr and Bruce Kulick which was officially together 7 years and just slightly ahead of the much maligned and short lived lineup of Gene, Paul, Eric Carr and Vinnie Vincent.  Which lasted barely a year, which I’ve been told is much less than the 10+ that Paul tells us the current band has been together. 

What does this really tell us.  Quite simply, that KISS was far busier in the first 7 years than the last 10.  And there are reasons for that.  When you’re young and hungry you have the time, drive and energy to do more.  Your working toward a goal.  It also tells us that this was when much of the music they still play was written and recorded.    Whereas the current lineup took a break from late 2004 until mid 2008.  Gene and Paul spent time working on many other things leaving Tommy to focus on the bands legacy which I would say he did brilliantly with the KISSOLOGY releases.  But the only time they came close to achieving the success and dominance of the band from 1976-1979 was when they reunited in 1996.  I have only one point.  It’s ridiculous to say or imply that the current lineup or any lineup that doesn’t include Ace Frehley and Peter Criss has ever approached the same level of significance.  You may prefer the Crazy Nights band but without the original band, that band doesn’t exist. 

Also, you can’t compare Ace and Peter to Tommy and Eric.  Or Bruce, Mark, Vinnie and Eric Carr.  Being a founding member of a band that achieved the heights that KISS did is nothing like being a contracted employee of that band after the fame has been achieved.  Unless your name is Vinnie Vincent, you’re not going to have the same level of entitlement as a hired musician as you would as a founding member.  You will not have the personal or emotional connection.  We’ll never know how Bruce Kulick would’ve dealt with the Gene and Paul power play that started to take place towards the end of the original bands run, or how Eric Singer would feel seeing another person wearing the makeup he created playing his part in the band, or how Tommy would’ve approached the Elder sessions or even how Ace would handle being in the role Tommy is in right now.

KISS has for many reasons endured into their 5^th decade.  That would never happen without Paul Stanley.  If you want to talk real significance it's Paul.  They may have had their ups and downs but without him there would be no need to discuss which lineup did what.  Gene is largely the most famous face in KISS and if you’ve listened to Paul the last decade its clear he has grown tired of the Demon garnering the lion’s share of attention for the work he put in.  Not that Gene hasn’t been a large part of the bands success.  It’s just that starting in 78’ he has checked out from time to time.  So take a bow Paul.  YOU more than anyone you’ve shared a stage with has earned it.  You also earned the right to play with who want and call it KISS.  But at some point you should realize you won.  Minimizing any of the lineups contribution doesn’t make the current one seem better.  It just makes you sound bitter.  Gene spews so much bullshit out of his mouth I figure most people can’t tell the difference between him and Ted Nugent.  As for the BLOKE scores, actual tallies are below.  Bring on the hate mail and math corrections.        

 

Original Lineup

Paul, Gene, Ace and Peter

1973 – 1980; 1996-2001 = 12 pts

Studio albums – 9 = 45 pts

Live Albums – 3 = 9 pts

Shows Played – 1018 = 101.8

Records Sold* – 17 million. = 170 pts

Years with no tour/no album – 0 = 0 pts

Songs in current playlist – 11 (396 total years) = 396 pts

Total Points – 733.8

 

Lineup 2

Paul, Gene, Ace and Eric Carr

1980-1982 = 2 pts

Studio Albums – 2 = 10 pts

Live albums – 0

Shows Played – 42 = 4.2 pts

Records Sold – 1 Million = 10 pts

Years with no tour/no album – 0 = 0 pts

Songs in current playlist – 2 (22 years) = 22 pts

Total Points – 48.2

Lineup 3

Paul, Gene, Eric Carr and Vinnie Vincent

1982-1983 = 1 pt

Studio albums – 1 = 5 pts

Live Albums – 0 = 0 pts

Shows Played – 150 = 15

Records Sold – 1.2 million. = 12 pts

Years with no tour/no album – 0 = 0 pts

Songs in current playlist – 1 (21 total years) = 21 pts

Total Points – 54

Lineup 4

Paul, Gene, Eric Carr and Mark St. John

1984 = 1 pt

Studio albums – 1 = 5 pts

Live Albums – 0 = 0 pts

Shows Played – 2? = 0 pts

Records Sold – 1.2 million. = 12 pts

Years with no tour/no album – 0 = 0 pts

Songs in current playlist – 1 (21 total years) = 21 pts

Total Points – 39

Lineup 5

Paul, Gene, Eric Carr and Bruce Kulick

1984-1991 = 7 pts

Studio albums – 3 = 15 pts

Live Albums – 0 = 0 pts

Shows Played – 462 = 46.2

Records Sold – 5.2 million. = 52 pts

Years with no tour/no album – 1 = -20 pts

Songs in current playlist – 1 (24 total years) = 24 pts

Total Points – 124.2

Lineup 6

Paul, Gene, Bruce Kulick and Eric Singer

1992-1996 = 4 pts

Studio albums – 2 = 10 pts

Live Albums – 2 = 6 pts

Shows Played – 79 = 7.9

Records Sold – 2.1 million. = 21 pts

Years with no tour/no album – 0 = 0 pts

Songs in current playlist – 0  = 0 pts

Total Points – 48.9

Lineup 7

Paul, Gene, Eric Singer and Tommy Thayer

2003 - Current = 11 pts

Studio albums – 2 = 10 pts

Live Albums – 0 = 0 pts

Shows Played – 360 = 36 pts

Records Sold –500,000 = 5 pts

Years with no tour/no album – 3 = -60 pts

Songs in current playlist – 3 (9 total years) = 9 pts

Total Points – 11 pts

*Album sales courtesy of GreasyLake.org