Most Overrated, Underrated, Bands of All Time

How do you define Underrated?  The dictionary says: underestimate the extent, value, or importance of (someone or something). Ok.  Then what is the value of a musician or band?  Record sales and butt’s in the seats seems a fair judge.  Influence is another factor.  So if someone were to say Eric Clapton was underrated they would be stating that more people should be:  Buying his records.  Going to his concerts.  Acknowledging his influence.  (I use Slowhand solely as an example.  I don’t know that many would consider him underrated.)  But when we say someone or something is overrated are we really putting it in that perspective?  Or are we just saying it because no one likes someone we like.  OR, are you just a pompous ass who thinks everyone else is too stupid or Neanderthal to truly “get it”?  Parameters have been set!  I give you my list of:

 

THE MOST OVERRATED UNDERRATED BANDS OF ALL TIME!

(In no particular order) 

 

Kings X – I’m not sure what happened first.  I became aware of Kings X or I became aware that Kings X were a vastly underrated band.  It seems to be part of any conversation regarding this band.  But exactly how are they underrated.  Their songs have a weight to them.  Listening to them is kind like sit ups for your ears.  And if their tone was a drink it would be a martini.  An extremely dry martini.  Sure they're top notch musicians but talent has never been key to success.  And if you are gonna be a "musicians" band then you are limiting your fan base considerably.  Take a band like Rush.  They aren’t for everyone but they still manage a sizable following.  I use Rush because I think it’s fair to assume anyone who doesn’t like Rush, wouldn’t or doesn’t like Kings X.  And most Rush fans don’t listen to Kings X.  If anything they are overrated.  6 studio albums on a major label and not one went gold and only twice did they crack the top 100.  They were given more rope than their success would dictate.  They wanted the exposure bands like Poison and Warrant got but insisted on having a singer with a Mohawk and a guitar player who purposely made his guitar tone annoying.  It’s fine if you don’t want to play the game but don’t bitch because no one gets you.  After reading their bio they should change their name to Despite Critical Praise.  VH1 listed them as the 83^rd greatest hard rock artist of all time.  Look for my future blog to be titled “83 Hard Rock Bands Better Than Kings X”.

 

 
 
 
John Prine – He’s not Jimmy Buffet and he’s not Bob Dylan.  He’s also not good.  Sure he's got a Grammy or two but for the kind of Grammy they don't televise.  In the unlikely event you actually run into one of his fans, don’t ask “Who’s John Prine?”  Not if you any other plans that day anyway. 

 

 

Gary Moore – If Eddie Van Halen looked like Gary Moore I got a feeling most of us would’ve never heard Eruption.  Gary Moore will always be the Irish Ronnie Montrose.  The Bruce Kulick of the Blues.  He was a fine guitar player with plenty of chops and he may have influenced a few guys to play guitar but he couldn’t influence anyone to buy his records.  He was in Thin Lizzy twice and wasn't a founding member.  His career is full of gaps and style changes.  When your claim to fame is being a replacement player in a two hit band and you are constantly in the middle of an identity crisis, you are probably not going to reach the level of fame and success that Gary Moore managed.  Which is why he is anything but underrated.     

 

 

 

 

Saxon – Is there any chance that there is someone who would like Saxon that doesn’t already?

 

 

 

 

 

KIX – My sister is gonna kill me for this one but she didn’t even get into the band until 4 years after they broke up so fuck her.  (I didn’t mean that sis.)  If hair metal was a Saturday morning cartoon it would be called Kix.  Rumor has it Poison’s entire stage show was stolen from Kix.  But since Poison is vastly overrated, that’s not a sign of greatness.  This band is just goofy.  Named after a breakfast cereal.  The bass player and principal songwriter was like 90 years old in their heyday.  The singer sings with a lisp.  One of the guys is named Jimmy Chocolate or something fucking stupid like that.  Even their ad’s in Circus magazine in the 80’s made you wonder if they were actually a real band.  I admit I like some of their songs but more as a guilty pleasure.

 

 

 

UFO/Michael Schenker – Well this one may give Eddie Trunk an aneurism but fuck UFO.  Hard Rock isn’t meant to be this boring.  Their “classic” stuff actually has a musty smell when you listen to it.  And who hasn’t been in this band?  They have so many former members they actually formed a band and called it X-UFO.  None of the guys in this traveling tribute to bore rock are original members.  And the most famous member, Michael Schenker, was the fourth guitarist they had.  And Michael Schenker is the Gary Moore of hard rock. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You wanna know what underrated is?  From 1986 – 2000 Michael Jordan never played in a game that wasn’t sold out.  Cities with horrible teams that no one wanted to see play would sell out to see MJ.  And during that time he missed a total of 7 games.  UFO has more former members than MJ had sick days.  How many people do you know miss only 7 days of work over 15 years?  He made over a billion dollars for Nike as an endorser and the NBA’s TV contracts more than doubled over his career.  Million dollar shoe contracts were tossed at any rookie with the gamble they may have the next MJ on their hands.  While he made himself retardedly wealthy, the majority of the money he made went to other people and entity’s.  He made something like 25 million dollars his last season with the Bull’s and that was a bargain for the team.  That is underrated. 

 

    

Your Father Loved You... He Just Didn't Like You.

My Dad wasn’t always sure what to do with me.  I was a typical kid who loved playing games and anything that involved being outside.  And while I liked sports and Ice Cream.  I also liked hard rock music.   And a band called KISS was the center of that universe.  While my Dad was religious he never showed any concern with me accidentally worshipping the devil.  But I still wouldn’t call him supportive of my desire to rock.  More, support by not stopping me. 

 

He never seemed all that interested.  But then nobodies dad did.  You either had super strict parents that wouldn’t let you do anything but go to school and church or you had typical parents who would let you scrape your knees and put a few bumps in your head while they talked with other adults about grown up things.  Most everyone I grew up with had to go to church and we all got in trouble if we got grass stains on our church clothes.  And when one of our parents took us to a KISS concert it wasn’t for their enjoyment. 

 

The modern Dad seems intent on making sure their kid is raised liking the same things they did.  An AC/DC or KISS concert is something they feel their child needs to experience before it’s too late.  Too late for what?  They have to make you watch Star Wars because it’s awesome.  I touched on this in my last blog.  All of things you got into or enjoyed from your childhood or even into your teens and 20’s.  Would they have better if your Dad were just as into it as you were?  Would you want your Dad playing the role our friends did when we were kids?

 

Before you answer lets ask a couple of questions.  Why does the modern dad feel it necessary to share Star Wars with his son?  Bonding?  A chance to relive their childhood?  That’s probably what “they” will tell you.  But while the second is probably more true than the first I think there is a subliminal reason festering in the brain of the modern parent.  The myth of a loving father.

 

For some reason (TV) my generation seems to be the first that felt Dad didn’t love them enough.  We wanted Mike Brady and got Archie Bunker.  The world is full of 40 year old men who promised they would be more involved in their child’s life.  From cutting the umbilical cord to attending Comic-con.  They will leave work for little league games and make sure they know how much daddy loves them.  At any cost.  Which in turn has filled the world with 20 year olds who think the start time of their shift at Target is more of a guideline.  And it’s no coincidence that music has stopped evolving because of it.  We have immersed ourselves so deep into our children’s lives they have no organic path of finding anything new, including music, so they listen to what their parents listen to. 

 

Starting with Elvis there has been a sizeable shift in music approx. every 5-7 years.  By in my analysis (I am the Commissioner after all) there hasn’t been on since 1998.  Every form of popular music, pop, country, hard rock and metal, has become more formulaic than at any time.  And with streaming becoming more and more popular it will become even less likely the next great thing will ever be heard.  Everything is heading toward monthly fees and contracts.  Soon your toaster will need an internet connection and a signed user agreement to warm up a bagel.  And it’s this generations fault.  And therefore, their parents fault for raising apathetic slugs who don’t want anything and are devoid of any real inspiration.  They just want their parents to continue to pay for their smart phone.   

 

Discovery might be the single most important part of growing up.  It’s not just about having a favorite band or creating fond memories.  It’s what teaches us not to run in itch weed.  And it’s what makes us seek out more of what we love and less of what we hate.  It’s how we develop life skills like cognitive reasoning, time management and trouble shooting.  It makes us think and that develops our brains.  And with that it’s the parents job, NAY!  It’s their sworn duty to allow that to happen as organic as possible.  Now I’m not suggesting we go back to a time when the father smoked cigarettes in the waiting room while mom spent 36 hours squeezing you out (yes I am), but something closer to form of parent that raised us. 

 

It’s time my generation cut our Dad’s some slack.  They did a better job raising us than we’re doing with our kids.  Most of us have fond memories of our fathers and moments we bonded.  Are we so narrow that we can only bond with our kids if it involves OUR interests?  Is it really the role of a parent to be friends with their children?  Or should we walk behind them to help when they fall?  Let your kids discover music and movies and so many other things on their own.  Let them find their own Star Wars.  Their own band.  Let them have their own fond memories to share when they are older.  I promise some of them will be of you.  You are their Dad.  And by God once they turn 16 make em' pay for their own cell phone.  Teach em’ some fucking responsibility for fucks sake.  Happy Father’s Day.  Now fuck off.    

Review - Paul Stanley: Face The Music A Life Exposed or... It Must Be NIce To Eat Swordfish Whenever You Want

So now every member of KISS has officially written a book.  Or at least had help writing a book.  I’ve read Gene’s (Look at all the famous people I have in my rolodex.)  Then Ace’s (Girls are attracted to me.  And my penis is big.)  Then came Peter’s (Paul’s gay, Elton John wanted me to drum for him and my penis is bigger than Ace’s.)  And lastly we have Paul’s. 

 

If you suspect Paul went last intentionally.  Reading his book will confirm it.  Paul has touted his book as a story about overcoming obstacles.  And I suppose it is but it’s rings a little whiny considering the largest obstacles in life he overcame by his late 20’s.  But discusses them into his late 50’s.  He was lonely.  His wife never seemed impressed with how awesome he was.  Gene is selfish.  At about the 300 page mark you just feel like Paul needs to hang out at more KISS conventions because it seems the only thing his life is missing is constant praise. 

 

One thing becomes clear right quick.  He’s also got it in for Peter.  He pulls no punches with Gene either but his criticisms of Gene seem more honest and legit.  His problem with Peter seems personal.  And considering Peter said he caught Paul giving Ace a blowjob in his book, it may be deserved.  But that doesn’t make it true.  I’ve seen Peter in KISS and I can tell you as recently as the Farewell Tour he was able to play drums and he could sing an entire song without help.  From the beginning Paul talks of Peter as someone who could barely face the proper direction behind a drum kit much less play it, he couldn’t sing without constant coaching and was a dumb illiterate complainer.  For someone who has pretty much projected an air of taking the high road throughout his career, this seems petty.  That said, Paul has dealt with gay rumors his entire adult life.  And to have a former member of your make that same claim would make many of us retaliate. 

 

And speaking of being gay.  Paul spends too many words on the girls he banged.  I get it.  You had sex with chicks who were hot.  I got enough of that in Ace's book.  And while I found Paul's book the most revealing look into the inner workings of KISS, he also comes off as disingenuous at times.  He claims Eric Carr stopped talking to him on the Hot In The Shade Tour and never knew why.  Those of us who have spent our lives following this little band called KISS know this is bullshit. 

 

But in the end he sounds like someone who’s pretty much got everything anyone would ever want.  Fame, money, family, abs of steel and an Arena Football League team named after himself.  And who doesn’t want to own a restaurant with Gene Simmons?  At the end of his book I was left with one thought that will stick with me…

 

It must be nice to eat Swordfish whenever you want   

Bye Bye Love: Why A Racist Owner Isn't The NBA's Biggest Problem

The NBA has a problem and it’s not an 80 year old white guy who pines for the days of separate drinking fountains.  Adam Silver is riding high on all the metaphorical high 5’s and slaps on the backs he’s been receiving for taking a hardline with Donald Silver.  Which is kind of sad.  There is nothing heroic or brave about opposing racism.  It takes the same effort as taking your shopping cart to the cart corral in the parking lot of Home Depot.  It’s just the right thing to do.  And getting too congratulatory only opens us to a conversation we don’t want to have.  Your gonna take his team for being a bad person?  LeBron James says there is no room in the NBA for Donald Sterling.  He may be right but does that apply San Francisco 49er Chris Culliver who has made homophobic comments in the past and recently called a family of Mexicans “wetbacks”.  Should he be allowed to play professional football?  Or will he get the opportunity to apologize and take sensitivity training?  And anytime a professional athlete shoots up a strip club or runs a dog fighting ring, at least part of the discussion is the culture they were raised in as if it were some sort of excuse.  I have yet to hear one talking head on ESPN talk about Donald Sterling being raised in a different time. 

 

If anything Adam Silver should be pissed David Stern left him with this.  Donald Sterling’s racist views are well documented.  No one should be surprised.  The reason this is not even a really problem for the league or it’s players is stuff like this takes care of itself.  Players won’t want to play there.  Coaches won’t want to coach there.  And good ones won’t have to.

 

Kevin Love, or more accurately his agent, recently let the Minnesota Timberwolves know that he will be opting out of his contract and taking his talents elsewhere (Thanks LeBron.)  And this my friends, is the NBA’s biggest problem.  Not Kevin Love specifically.  The fact that this happens all the time in cities throughout the league.  ESPN and talk radio have hours to fill so they fill a lot of that with their own speculation.  That speculation becomes it's own self fulfilling philosophy.  Once Kevin Love signed the contract that allowed him to opt out after three years the speculation started.  Will the Wolves trade him to Lakers for a sack of magic beans today, or will they let him walk for nothing?  He’s from California so you know he wants to play there.  You have to trade him now to get anything of value for him.  Has there ever been a trade in the NBA that has been close to even?  And this isn’t unique to franchises that are bad or poorly run.  In 2012-13 season the discussion of where LeBron James would be playing when 2014-15 season began.  Does he not like Miami?  Is he tired of winning championships?

 

Only teams in LA, New York, Boston and to a lesser extent Chicago are immune to this.  That’s 6 teams.  And it isn’t just about making sure the best players only play in the big markets.  If a team in a smaller market has the audacity to make the NBA finals the immediate talking point is “Is the NBA worried that no one will watch an Indiana/OKC final?”  Isn’t the point of professional sports to win?  Even if you live in Memphis?  This year you have Miami, Indiana, San Antonio and Oklahoma City as your final four teams.  So what do the Sports Reporters on ESPN have to talk about?  Whether or not the NBA is unhappy that these 4 pathetic cities managed to make it this far.

 

The NBA should care about the perception that they don’t want most of the teams in the league to win.  As long as the NBA treats the 24 teams not in NYC like they’re the Washington Generals they shouldn’t expect communities to support these teams.  They should start giving back tax money giving to these teams in the form of Arena’s and practice facilities.  And as long as players of Kevin Love’s ilk spend the first 6 years of their careers bombarded with the idea that they are just honing their game for another team in a bigger city nothing will change.  Players of Love’s talent are the type you build a team around.  And they are hard to get.  For the first time since trading Kevin Garnett the Timberwolves have a sliver of credibility.  And now they are forced to trade it away.  Despite two overall #1 picks and another on the way the Cleveland Cavaliers still haven’t recovered from LeBron James leaving.  Every NFL season starts with hope.  Even the most pessimistic fan hangs on his team every week.  Fans of teams that are consistently bad blame ownership and management.  Fans of the Milwaukee Bucks feel they will never have a chance.  And that is the biggest problem the NBA has.  The void of any real hope.  Viking fans feel jinxed because of superstition combined with reality.  T-Wolves fans have no reason to feel optimistic because their team is in a league that only wants large market teams to compete. 

 

Donald Sterling doesn’t want black people coming to his games.  Someone needs to tell Adam Silver that doesn’t make Magic Johnson the perfect candidate for ownership.  Give people like Donald Sterling enough rope and they’ll hang themselves.  Feeling obligated to deify such thoughts shows a lack of sincerity.  So kick him out of the league or let him suffer the consequences of putting words to his thoughts.  But stop acting like it’s the cancer eating at the core of your league.  Prejudice and bigotry can be found in every locker room and front office in the league.  Making Donald Sterling the face of racism just distracts you from the real issue.  Fan apathy.           

Is It Time For AC/DC To Flick The Switch to Off?

When my roommate and I were drinking our way through Community College in the early 90’s, our tenement in downtown Rochester became a hotbed for after hours alcoholism.  One particular Friday what was originally just a couple friends meeting up at our house turned into a full blown hold your hair back while you puke party.  Awaking the next morning (afternoon) said party had already attained legendary status.  Passed out bodies and empty beer cans throughout our apartment reminded one of an aftermath scene from a tornado.   The mysterious Schmidt Big Mouth on the floor in my car.  (Where the hell did I DRIVE last night?)  And phone calls from those who made it home.  Just calling to say “Duuuuuude!” in that lazy slobber tone that comes with a hangover.

While time would eventually give us the proper perspective of how improbable such a night was, my roomie and I immediately started planning to do it again.  That night.  But it wasn’t the same.  Almost no one was un hungover enough from the night before to even attend.  Those of us who did give er a go had none of vigor and energy.  As awesome as it the previous night was it couldn’t be replicated.  We were young fools to think it was even attainable. 

Recently it was announced the AC/DC guitarist Malcom Young had suffered a pretty major medical setback and would not be able to perform his duties in the band.  Speculation as to what AC/DC would and should do flooded the internet shortly after with band officially announcing they would continue with a new record and tour sans Angus’ brother.  My initial reaction was largely indifferent.  But as I thought more it reminded of the mess KISS has become and I began to question.  When we like something.  Why do we feel entitled to more? 

I reached this same crossroad with KISS.  They were my band.  For me a big part of it was not wanting to let go of something that had been a huge part of most of my life.  But as I grew older it was harder to convince myself it was something worth holding onto.  What was once something that kept me afloat was slowly starting to feel like it was now pulling me under.  The reality is AC/DC, like many bands, have already given us the best they got.  Instead of comparing it to 1980 why not compare it to current formations of bands like Judas Priest.  Down to 3 original members.  Are you really that excited to hear new music from them?  How about Queensryche.  Firing their singer of 30 years.  Also down to 3 members?  Ratt?  While Judas Priest is one of the greatest metal bands of all time and Ratt and Queensryche maybe some of the best from the 80’s, AC/DC is one of the greatest BANDS of all time.  If you’re a fan of Judas Priest, Ratt, Queensryche, KISS, Springsteen, U2 and almost anyone, there’s a good chance you also like AC/DC.  I tried to hate them for a while but it’s just too hard.  They are too fucking awesome. The point being if Ratt and Queensryche want to make a mockery of their legacy who fucking cares.  It’s not like they’re AC/DC.  And like KISS.  Haven’t AC/DC given us enough?  

They’ve taken us down the Highway to Hell.  They let us know it’s ok to fuck fat chicks named Rosie.  They’ve flicked the switch and given us a 21 gun salute.  They play 2 ½ hours knowing that everyone is going to leave not hearing every song they wanted to.  They have played everywhere multiple times year after year.  If you haven’t found time to see them yet, buy a DVD.  And while people taking their kids to see the band they grew up with may seem harmless, is that really the role of a parent.  Think of the first time you got into AC/DC.  Sitting in a buddy’s older brothers bedroom smoking pot while he puts on Let There Be Rock.  Now imagine your dad in the room with you playing air guitar.  Did that make it better?  (If you’re saying yes then fuck you.)  Discovery was one of the coolest parts of rock n roll and parents who make things cooler are failing as parents.  AC/DC made it ok for the pretty girls at school to hang out at the same farm kegger as you.  Because of AC/DC I am always about to rock.  And I salute them.  I can honestly say that my life is better because of AC/DC.  They don’t owe me anything more.     

 

So in my expert opinion I don’t think they should go on.  Malcolm means too much to their sound and their song writing.  It’s not the same as when Bon died over 30 years ago.  The band was still very young.  Still relevant.  Still current.  They aren’t and haven’t been for well over a decade.  It’s just different.  They may still be one of the 5 best live bands on the planet.  But even if they were to write their greatest album it wouldn’t matter.  When you’ve been as big as them for as long as them people put you in a time capsule.  And that’s not a bad thing.  Also they don’t have to.  They have played enough shows.  Recorded enough music and made enough money.  Why tarnish it?  Why drag it out?  For the fans?

But the decision isn’t mine anymore than the million’s chiming in around the world.  The bottom line is if they want to they are going to.  As a musician I understand the desire to carry on against common sense.  So while I may disagree with it, who am I to be against it.  But to those of you who feel you need it.  Those of you who want it.  I ask why?  Because the party will never be as good as last night.