KISS By The Numbers. Which Lineup Carries The Most Significance... Seriously.

Whether it was Bruce Kulick on the Arsenio Hall show in 1994 snarking that he’s been in the band longer than Ace and he’s still the new guy or more recently when Paul used the fact that the current lineup has been together almost as long as the original 4 members of KISS were as an excuse not to perform with Ace and Peter at the ROR HOF induction ceremony.  It has, from time to time, been said that KISS without Ace and Peter has been more relevant.  Typically using calendar years as evidence of significance. 

Let me state for the record that I find this to be a minority opinion and typically voiced by Gene or Paul.  I don’t feel that way for sure.  But it is not a fringe opinion.  As someone who considers himself to be an expert in all things KISS I can tell you that there has always been a segment of the fan base that fully supports whatever the current lineup is and any decisions it makes and products it releases.  To the extreme they feel the need to defend it.  I think they should’ve stopped after the reunion tour.  That’s my opinion.  There are fans of KISS that upon reading that sentence have already decided I hate the current band.  Which not only isn’t true it isn’t what I said.  What can you do?

I’ll tell you what you can do.  Take opinion out of the equation.  KISS as it is started performing in 2003.  On paper that’s just over 10 years.  The original band started in 1973 and Peter was officially out of the band in 1980 which is barely 7 years.  Sure they reunited for 5 years from 1996-2001 but they never did 10 years straight.  Plus there’s no reason to think this lineup won’t keep going at least 2 more years.  Toss in Eric’s years with the band before the reunion and it’s pretty clear.  The current lineup is more legit, more important and by default the more significant. 

But shouldn't the question be what did any lineup do with their time?  How productive were they?  What did Bruce Kulick really contribute to the legacy of KISS?  How important was the addition of Eric Singer in 1992?  And how does the current lineup truly stack up to previous lineups.  From 2003 to now, the current lineup has released a whopping 2 studio albums of new material.  The original four released their first two records in 8 months.  In the last decade both Gene and Paul have released solo albums and written books.  They started their own restaurant chain and purchased an arena league football team.  Paul did a solo tour and released a DVD all while he pursued his art career as a painter.  Gene had a reality TV series, started an advertising agency and Eric Singer found time to do a few tours with Alice Cooper as well as with his own project ESP.  By way of comparison Ace Frehley got shit for skipping out on a recording session to play cards with some friends. 

The point is simple.  10 days of inactivity in KISS are not equal to 1 day of productivity.  Time alone is an inaccurate and misleading way to measure significance.  In this instance anyway.  So I came up with a point system to determine what version of the band delivered the biggest bang for the buck.  I call it… BLOKE (or Bakko’s Law Of KISS Equation.)  It works like this.

Years in the band – 2 pts. Per year

Studio Albums – 5 pts. Per album

Live Albums – 3 pts. Per album

Shows Played – 10 Shows = 1 pt.

Album Sales – 100K = 1 pt.

Years with no tour/no album – 1 year = -20 pts.

And probably the most revealing statistic.

Songs in the current setlist – 1 pt for every year since release (ex. Deuce = 40 pts.  Hell or Halleluah = 2 pts)

As you see I not only give points to things like “years of service” and “shows played” but I felt it necessary to take points away for years of inactivity.  You can't give 1976 the same score as 2006.  3 tours and 2 albums vs. none of either.  My criteria for “inactivity” is the absence of a proper tour or record release.  A proper tour is considered a minimum of 25 dates in no more than 60 days.  I also felt the songs that are currently in the set list should be weighted giving points for longevity.  And I gave no points for the barrage of repackaging of previous material in the form of all the greatest hits, live etc albums that came out the last decade.  Also with the Ace and Peter in/out of the band in 2002-2003 I gave neither credit for those years.  For the sake of this equation 2003 is the start of the current lineup.  I also figured the powers that be chose to present Unmasked as an album with Peter Criss so I gave him credit for that.  I used the same reasoning for Ace on Creatures.  I did not overlap any members.  I used my best judgment when doing so and I didn’t award any points for the 78 solo albums, Best of Solo or Killers.

The Original lineup of Gene, Paul, Peter and Ace came in the highest with a BLOKE score of almost 734 while the current lineup of Gene, Paul, Eric Singer and Tommy came in last with a BLOKE score of 11 pts.  Even if you were to remove the penalty for years of inactivity they would still come in a distant third to the lineup of Gene, Paul, Eric Carr and Bruce Kulick which was officially together 7 years and just slightly ahead of the much maligned and short lived lineup of Gene, Paul, Eric Carr and Vinnie Vincent.  Which lasted barely a year, which I’ve been told is much less than the 10+ that Paul tells us the current band has been together. 

What does this really tell us.  Quite simply, that KISS was far busier in the first 7 years than the last 10.  And there are reasons for that.  When you’re young and hungry you have the time, drive and energy to do more.  Your working toward a goal.  It also tells us that this was when much of the music they still play was written and recorded.    Whereas the current lineup took a break from late 2004 until mid 2008.  Gene and Paul spent time working on many other things leaving Tommy to focus on the bands legacy which I would say he did brilliantly with the KISSOLOGY releases.  But the only time they came close to achieving the success and dominance of the band from 1976-1979 was when they reunited in 1996.  I have only one point.  It’s ridiculous to say or imply that the current lineup or any lineup that doesn’t include Ace Frehley and Peter Criss has ever approached the same level of significance.  You may prefer the Crazy Nights band but without the original band, that band doesn’t exist. 

Also, you can’t compare Ace and Peter to Tommy and Eric.  Or Bruce, Mark, Vinnie and Eric Carr.  Being a founding member of a band that achieved the heights that KISS did is nothing like being a contracted employee of that band after the fame has been achieved.  Unless your name is Vinnie Vincent, you’re not going to have the same level of entitlement as a hired musician as you would as a founding member.  You will not have the personal or emotional connection.  We’ll never know how Bruce Kulick would’ve dealt with the Gene and Paul power play that started to take place towards the end of the original bands run, or how Eric Singer would feel seeing another person wearing the makeup he created playing his part in the band, or how Tommy would’ve approached the Elder sessions or even how Ace would handle being in the role Tommy is in right now.

KISS has for many reasons endured into their 5^th decade.  That would never happen without Paul Stanley.  If you want to talk real significance it's Paul.  They may have had their ups and downs but without him there would be no need to discuss which lineup did what.  Gene is largely the most famous face in KISS and if you’ve listened to Paul the last decade its clear he has grown tired of the Demon garnering the lion’s share of attention for the work he put in.  Not that Gene hasn’t been a large part of the bands success.  It’s just that starting in 78’ he has checked out from time to time.  So take a bow Paul.  YOU more than anyone you’ve shared a stage with has earned it.  You also earned the right to play with who want and call it KISS.  But at some point you should realize you won.  Minimizing any of the lineups contribution doesn’t make the current one seem better.  It just makes you sound bitter.  Gene spews so much bullshit out of his mouth I figure most people can’t tell the difference between him and Ted Nugent.  As for the BLOKE scores, actual tallies are below.  Bring on the hate mail and math corrections.        

 

Original Lineup

Paul, Gene, Ace and Peter

1973 – 1980; 1996-2001 = 12 pts

Studio albums – 9 = 45 pts

Live Albums – 3 = 9 pts

Shows Played – 1018 = 101.8

Records Sold* – 17 million. = 170 pts

Years with no tour/no album – 0 = 0 pts

Songs in current playlist – 11 (396 total years) = 396 pts

Total Points – 733.8

 

Lineup 2

Paul, Gene, Ace and Eric Carr

1980-1982 = 2 pts

Studio Albums – 2 = 10 pts

Live albums – 0

Shows Played – 42 = 4.2 pts

Records Sold – 1 Million = 10 pts

Years with no tour/no album – 0 = 0 pts

Songs in current playlist – 2 (22 years) = 22 pts

Total Points – 48.2

Lineup 3

Paul, Gene, Eric Carr and Vinnie Vincent

1982-1983 = 1 pt

Studio albums – 1 = 5 pts

Live Albums – 0 = 0 pts

Shows Played – 150 = 15

Records Sold – 1.2 million. = 12 pts

Years with no tour/no album – 0 = 0 pts

Songs in current playlist – 1 (21 total years) = 21 pts

Total Points – 54

Lineup 4

Paul, Gene, Eric Carr and Mark St. John

1984 = 1 pt

Studio albums – 1 = 5 pts

Live Albums – 0 = 0 pts

Shows Played – 2? = 0 pts

Records Sold – 1.2 million. = 12 pts

Years with no tour/no album – 0 = 0 pts

Songs in current playlist – 1 (21 total years) = 21 pts

Total Points – 39

Lineup 5

Paul, Gene, Eric Carr and Bruce Kulick

1984-1991 = 7 pts

Studio albums – 3 = 15 pts

Live Albums – 0 = 0 pts

Shows Played – 462 = 46.2

Records Sold – 5.2 million. = 52 pts

Years with no tour/no album – 1 = -20 pts

Songs in current playlist – 1 (24 total years) = 24 pts

Total Points – 124.2

Lineup 6

Paul, Gene, Bruce Kulick and Eric Singer

1992-1996 = 4 pts

Studio albums – 2 = 10 pts

Live Albums – 2 = 6 pts

Shows Played – 79 = 7.9

Records Sold – 2.1 million. = 21 pts

Years with no tour/no album – 0 = 0 pts

Songs in current playlist – 0  = 0 pts

Total Points – 48.9

Lineup 7

Paul, Gene, Eric Singer and Tommy Thayer

2003 - Current = 11 pts

Studio albums – 2 = 10 pts

Live Albums – 0 = 0 pts

Shows Played – 360 = 36 pts

Records Sold –500,000 = 5 pts

Years with no tour/no album – 3 = -60 pts

Songs in current playlist – 3 (9 total years) = 9 pts

Total Points – 11 pts

*Album sales courtesy of GreasyLake.org

KISS Fans Unite! It's Gonna Be Alright.

Members Past and Present

It’s hard to find a band more polarizing than KISS.  While there have been other bands who’ve had a similar affect on people, I don’t there’s ever been a band that for so long in such a large scope has been able to make people on both sides blind to whats right in front of them.  One would think that even if you hate KISS you can still acknowledge that they deserve induction to the Rock n Roll Hall Of Fame.  And one would think that even though you have been a lifelong fan of the band, you still think it’s wrong that the band is comprised of two people pretending to be Ace and Peter.  KISS has a way of backing you into a corner and compromising your ability to think rationally.  And that’s what we’re talking about. 

Anyone who has grown up a KISS fan knows that being a fan means being a target.  I get how someone in their teens may feel required to become defensive about something they feel is theirs.  But this ain’t 1982.  Now days we’re talking about someone in their mid 40’s who never got over the wedgie’s they were given in high school.  While forgiving a bully and thinking Tommy Thayer is good in KISS may not be the same thing, the reluctance to have an honest view of KISS is largely ingrained from all the crap you took for liking them in the first place.  We could talk about things like the KISS Coffin or the recent Hello Kitty line of KISS related crap that should get even the biggest fan scratching his head, but I think we need to start with the biggest offense to their fans KISS is guilty of. 

Having two imposters pretend to be Ace and Peter. 

Fake Peter and Fake Ace

Saying it any other way is just spin.  And believing that spin is a choice.  The reasons Gene and Paul don’t want to play with Ace and Peter are readily available for those who care.  And when you read between the lines of the comments made by all four of them on the topic, they are probably valid reasons.  But just because they don’t play nice together doesn’t mean you automatically accept them moving on with two guys dressed as Ace and Peter.  And thus a schism rocks the KISS Army.  An Army all too willing to take a side.  Gene and Paul or Ace and Peter?  Who do you choose.

That's where the blame shifts from the band to the fans.  Why do you feel the need to choose?  An objective person would see flaws in all of these guys.  Gene signs more autographs and takes more pictures with the fans than Ace, but Ace never had a reality show where his kids made fun of KISS fans.  Ace never wanted to replace every member of KISS with 4 winners of a game show.  Paul has gone to greater lengths to keep himself in proper condition to perform than Peter.  But Peter didn’t write Let’s Put The X In Sex or re-record Beth with Eric Carr singing it.  I understand why the people who love KISS hold on so tight.  There’s a pretty good chance it’s been in their life longer than anything else.  When we’re having a bad day, week or month.  When we felt like celebrating or needed some cheering up.  KISS was there.  But much like a parent to a child, at a certain point we need to take control of our life.  Lift up that chin little buddy.  It’s gonna be alright. 

I’ve long noticed a difference between KISS fans who are musicians and KISS fans who are not.  The musicians tend to have no interest in the bands current music.  When they buy a KISS Doll or Pez dispenser they can’t wait to rip it out of its package and play with it.  When they speak about KISS they have a passion for the music, the aura and the show.  The non musician tends to be more about the collecting.  They only wear shirts they have two of.  Same with any merch.  They only open duplicates.  Probably not even then.  And they tend to want something you don’t have.  Whether it be knowledge or a collectible.  They want to tell you about meeting Gene after they met him.  Not before.  And not to share an experience.  For whatever reason it is important to them that others know they did or got something you didn’t.  I have a friend who still lives with his mom and every Christmas can’t wait to brag about all the KISS stuff his mommy got him this year.  He’s 42. 

The line is pretty clear with these two specific groups.  The musician doesn’t like Gene and Paul flaunting such blatant disrespect for Peter and Ace while the non musicians largely have no sympathy for Ace and Pete.  Placing the blame solely on them.

I do have an opinion on this matter and if you’ve paid attention its probably pretty clear.  But before I conclude with that I think it’s important we ask why.   Why did Gene and Paul choose to dress two guys up as Ace and Peter?  Make no mistake.  It was a choice.  But was it the right one?  Was it a decision with you, the fan in mind, or were they just thinking about your wallet?  Let’s ask a few key questions. 

The Real Ace and Peter

Who is going to be easier to work with in the role of “Hired musician”?  Ace and Peter or Tommy and Eric.  In other words two guys who were there in the beginning and played a key role in defining the band’s sound and identity while also garnering themselves their own fan base. Or, two guys who would otherwise be looking for jobs that paid far less?  Good luck spinning that one.  Once the reunion was announced and the contracts were signed, Gene and Paul had to pretend that they gave a shit about Peter and Ace.  They insisted that they were all hi fiving each other in the studio when recording Psycho Circus when in reality Peter and Ace aren’t really on the record.  Every press event they talked about how unified they were but as time went on you found fewer and fewer of those quotes coming from Peter or Ace.  Gene and Paul were entitled to retain ownership of the band.  Treating Ace and Peter like shit was just for enjoyment.   

Is this what the fans want?  Be honest.  If Paul Stanley called you in 2003 and asked you if they should put Eric Singer in Peter Criss’ makeup what would you say?  Eric and Tommy (Fake Peter and Fake Ace) serve Gene and Paul’s bottom line.  Peter may not have been at the top of his game and Ace may have been a bit unreliable but it was also becoming more and more difficult to convince them to go with the flow and take smaller salaries.  The same reason they don’t want to create new characters for Eric and Tommy is the same reason they shouldn’t have continued.  At this point in the game people aren’t interested in new anything from KISS.  And it’s not what the fans really want.

Gene and Paul continue to claim the band never sounded better.  Is that really true?  Make no mistake.  Gene and Paul have earned the right to do what they want at this point in their lives.  And this lineup probably makes fewer mistakes but it’s also super boring.   Going to a KISS concert used to be a big party.  Now it’s more like going to a combination of a KISS convention and an AA meeting.  If you went to any of the shows on the Crazy Nights tour you know what I’m talking about.  Uninspired bore fest.  But at least Bruce Kulick wasn’t boring you while pretending to be Ace.  Some may say this lineup is better but in reality it’s just slower.

A More Creative Idea for the Monster Cover

Haven’t KISS given us enough?  Did we really need Monster or Sonic Boom?  Look at it from this angle.  Remember the first time you heard KISS ALIVE?  How many times did you listen to that record over the next 15 years?  Is there any chance of those two records combined even approaching that number in the next 15 years?  While you may like it did you really need it?  Did you go see Paul on his solo tour?  Assuming you’ve already seen 10 or more KISS concerts in your life, wouldn’t you prefer to see another Paul tour.  How about Gene finally doing one?  Tickets cost less to see them in a smaller venue where you can actually see everything and the set list isn’t going to be the same old shit.  At this point wouldn’t you prefer to pay $35 to see Gene from 30 feet away sing Mr. Make Believe than pay $70 to see him from the upper deck sing Rock N Roll All Nite?  Stop clinging on to something that has given you more than any band has ever given.  At the very least insist on them removing the makeup or giving Eric and Tommy their own.  Doing so doesn’t demean how much you love the band.  If anything not doing so does.              

If it’s about no longer being up for the gig (Peter) or the ability to stay sober (Ace) then find a way to do it without being such dicks to them.  Their fans are your fans too.  You won.  You got what you wanted and Ace and Peter will probably go broke again while you continue to profit from something they helped build.  The least you could do is not spit on them.  You didn’t win the lottery without them.  

As fans, we should feel no obligation to support every decision Paul and Gene make.  We’re all human.  Peter and Ace dug their own grave and Gene and Paul made sure they had a shovel and a map to the graveyard.  All I mean by that is none of them are victims.  They need to drop the resentment.  At least publicly.  And fans.  It’s ok to be honest with yourself.  It’s ok to let go a little.  As someone who’s done it I can promise you it’ll be alright.  You don’t have to sell your collection because you think it was wrong for Gene to break his promise to Peter that they would never play Beth again.  You won’t be required to get that tattoo removed because you think it’s wrong for Tommy and Eric to dress and Ace and Peter.  You CAN still be a fan and embrace free will.  Take it from someone who's done it.  It's gonna be alright. 

Ranking The KISS Album Covers

So far my blogs have been all piss and vinegar.  So I thought it would be ok to do something a little lighter.  I am a diehard KISS freak.  KISS is and always will be my favorite band.  And while there are a myriad of topics I can and probably will cover that have more substance, I thought I'd preempt that with something more palpable for my fellow diehards.  Besides, why not take a break from the vitriol to celebrate my favorite band with something a little lighter.  You have to be among the haters not to acknowledge that KISS is responsible for all time great album covers.  While the non make-up years produced largely forgettable (Asylum) to downright bad (Animalize) covers, the make-up era is full of great examples of how a records cover can really enhance the experience of purchasing and listening to a record.  I spent countless hours of my youth with my headphones on scouring every inch of every KISS album cover looking for that missing detail, reading every liner note, credit etc.  Hoping that if I stared at it long enough I would see something that I hadn’t prior.  This week I'm celebrating that time of my life by ranking the album covers of that from worst to best.  For this list I am only including the albums released from 1974’s KISS to 1982’s Creatures of the Night.  I am not including the repackaging of the first three albums The Original’s as it use’s the first album’s cover for its cover and I am counting the solo albums as one as they were all painted by the same artist using the exact same scheme.  So after much scientific research below are the rankings. 

 

14.  Dynasty – After Love Gun KISS took time to make the movie KISS Meets the Phantom of the Park and record solo albums while Casablanca released ALIVE II and the greatest hits package Double Platinum.  Dynasty was the “We’re back!” record.  After almost two years of no new music they released the disco tinged Dynasty.  And much like the overall tone of the record, the cover left a lot to be desired.  Just a raw and not particularly well shot close up of the bands faces.  One could argue the highlight of the cover was the gray border surrounding it.  Gene looked fat.  The spoils of success weren't just having an effect on his waistline.  I mean, you only see his face and he looks fat.  Also the green make up on Peter’s face is noticeably off from the left eye to the right.  Knowing what we know now one can’t help but wonder if this was a byproduct of his growing disinterest in staying in KISS.

 

13. Music From The Elder – I like this cover and I think it goes with the Music.  But lets be real here.  Neither is very “KISS”.  It definitely goes good with the record as it ties in the storyline that runs through the record and at 10 years old I was fascinated by everything about this record.  When the record was done and presented to the exec’s at Casablanca, they were afraid to release it as it was.  They insisted on a different song sequence.  The concern being that if the first thing the listener heard was the horn piece “fanfare” leading into the soft rock opener “Just A Boy” the listener may just wonder if they got the right record.  They were right to fear a revolt.  They wrong to think rearranging the songs would change that.  Because of that there were covers that listed the songs in the order they were to be originally tracked while later pressings have them in the order they actually appear on the record.  I suppose an argument could be made to move this up but I think it fits right here.  

 

12. ALIVE II – Released at their peak, you really have to peel off the plastic and open the double album before you see anything with grandeur.  The actual cover is an unimaginative use of a KISS logo and a boring font spelling out ALIVE II.  There are four individual pics along the bottom that lazily are the same four photo’s on the back.  It screams “Hurry.  We need to get this out for Christmas!”  It probably doesn’t deserve to rank this high but it gets a couple of points for the incredible inner gatefold shot. 

 

 

 

 

11. Unmasked – The follow up to Dynasty just seemed to appear in record stores with no notice.  When I first saw the cover for Unmasked I wasn’t sure what to make of it.  It was a comic strip with kind of a nostalgic flair to it.  Telling the story of a reporter desperately trying to get a picture of KISS sans makeup.  The whole thing was unique but seemed to come out of left field.  It’s a good cover.  Just not better than the next 10.

 

 

 

 

 

 

10. Hotter Than Hell – If you like an album cover that will supply you with hours of fixating this one’s for you.  The myth in the 70’s was this was KISS’ way of thanking their Japanese fans for taking to them so enthusiastically but in reality they hadn’t really established a fan base in Japan.  Still, it's the most unique cover KISS ever did.  It features a black and white photo of the band with Japanese symbols and each band members name spelled out in Japanese characters.  Interestingly Ace had gotten into a car accident prior to the photo shoot for the cover.  His face had been cut up on one side so his face on the cover is actually half of his face with one side a reverse mirror image of the other.  Also on the back Gene and Ace are wearing outfits that they never wore for anything else.  I love the raw aesthetic.  It really fits the sound of the record great. 

 

9. Double Platinum – To truly appreciate this cover you need to have the original vinyl release.  You need to hold it in your hands.  As simple as it is, it is pure brilliance.  The embossed KISS logo’s on the chrome is just awesome.  Because of its simplicity many will think it’s ranked too high and the lazy attempts to replicate this on 8 track, cassette and the initial CD release add to that belief.  You really need to recall what it was like to pick this record up in the store and hold it in your hands to properly rank it.  As a greatest hits record, musically it’s largely a waste.  But they nailed the cover. 

 

8. Creatures of the Night – The last cover of the make-up era.  The only cover to have Eric Carr in his fox make up on it.  And Ace appears despite not playing a note on the record and leaving the band before the tour.  While it is a great cover I feel the goofy history of this record (Did Ace play on it, the re-release with a non makeup photo featuring Bruce Kulick who also didn’t play on it) has made it more iconic than it really deserves.  That said it rocks.  Even the back cover with a dark blue night sky filled with lightning.  The blue almost makes the record sound blue if that’s possible. 

 

 

7. Dressed To Kill – KISS in suits.  The black and white photo of the band on a city street.  Surrounded by a box of embossed KISS logo’s.  A lot of diehards worship this cover and would rank it higher.  Even I struggled with the idea of moving it up because it is incredibly cool.  It really makes you want to listen to it.  A little back story.  The ill fitting suits belonged to Casablanca Records president Neil Bogart.  While it is a great cover it just doesn’t hold up against the next 6.

 

 

 

 

 

 

6. Solo Albums – By 1978 KISS was at its peak and starting to fracture at the same time.  Ace and Peter reportedly threatened to quit after the shooting of KISS Meets The Phantom of The Park.  To appease them the idea for all members to do solo albums was made reality.  To package them as a sort of set, the art for all covers was going to stick to the same basic design.  They commissioned Eraldo Carugati to paint them and the result was very detailed representations of each member. Almost photographic.  It is the first introduction of the color scheme of each member (Paul – Purple, Gene – Red, Ace – Blue, Peter – Green) that the band would borrow from going forward.  The same font was used for all album credits.  They each dedicated their albums to the other members of the band.  Of course Peter had to include some dude named Michael Benvenga who I believe was in Chelsea, a band Peter was in before KISS.  I think he passed away in the time before recording this record.  Regardless it threw of the symmetry.  I think Peter could’ve found a better way to honor a friend. 

 

5. Destroyer – After the success of ALIVE! KISS finally had a budget and that extended to the art department.  10 year old boys across America were simultaneously intrigued and scared shitless at the sight of KISS deftly balancing their platform boots atop a pile of rubble while a small town burns in the background.  This was the second cover as Ken Kelly’s first cover had the burning city behind KISS much closer which didn’t sit well with execs at Casablanca.  So the city was moved back.  The color of the sky was switched to a more purple like color and for some reason that seemed less violent.  Who cares.  The cover was awesome.

 

4. Love Gun – Ken Kelly was brought back and he came up with another classic.  This time it featured KISS in their sweet new costumes with busty black haired women in white face surrounding their feet.  They were almost like soulless, faceless pin up models for teens to rub one out to.  For my money, Robert Palmer borrowed upon this for his video’s in the 80’s where his band consisted of emotionless like-costumed females.  While there are similarities between this and Destroyer the chicks with half their huge racks pouring out of their tops gives this one the edge.   

 

 

 

3. Rock N Roll Over – Both simple and complex.  The block cartoon artwork just works.  The circular design makes it so anyway you hold it, you have no idea which is the top.  Seen it done since.  Not sure if it was done prior.  There is a magic to this cover.  The colors, the background imagery for each member.  It all works.  This album looks like it sounds.  Awesome.  Makes for a great t-shirt as well.  The artist, Michael Doret, was brought back for the underwhelming and lazy attempt at an album cover for 2009’s Sonic Boom.  But he got it right with this one. 

 

 

 

 

2. ALIVE! – If you could sum up a KISS concert with one picture this would be it.  Even though it is a staged photo, it oozes KISS live.  The back cover showed what looked like an endless arena with 53 levels of seats all packed and waiting for KISS to take the stage.  Inside is less inspiring as it’s basically an ad for the KISS studio albums along with super cheesy to downright stupid (Sorry Gene) hand written messages from each member that were often referred to as a “personal” message to KISS fans.  Not sure how writing a note for 5 million people can ever be considered personal but I digress.  Despite the shortcomings of the inner art, the cover is another example of the perfect marriage of cover art and the music contained.  When I see this cover, I hear the way the music sounds.  Not just the songs, the sound.  This cover is a picture of what Rock N Roll is.  This would eventually break KISS as a viable recording act and propel the rest of their career. 

 

1. KISS – I don’t know what it is.  Maybe it’s the diamond KISS logo.  Maybe it’s Peter’s weird looking whiskers or Ace’s silver hair.  It doesn’t really matter this cover just kicks ass.  Low tech and low budget and beautiful.  Its not just nostalgic.  It still looks cooler than crap being released now.  It was better times for the members of KISS.  They worked together for the same thing.  The resentment’s that would later destroy the band had yet to surface.  The ego’s were more shared.  The individual roles were embraced.  And this album cover, while not exactly cutting edge, was perfect.  It wasn’t light.  It was black.  Black and silver.  It was metal before it was called metal.  You didn’t hold this record in your hands and think you were getting a partridge family record.  It was the first and remains the best. 

Well that's it.  Disagree?  Let me know how you'd rank them and I'll explain why you're wrong. ;)