Thursday, August 21, 2014

It Might Be Time To Bailout The NFL

This week the NFL’s brain trust announced they were thinking of charging the musicians they hire to perform at the Super Bowl halftime show.  They would do so by getting a percentage of tour revenue following their performance.  The NFL seems to think it’s losing about 100 Million dollars in lost ad revenue during that 12 minute period.
NFL.  Baby.  If you needed money.  Why didn't you ask?
Well I for one had no idea the NFL was so strapped for cash.  But now that we do know it's time we took action.  I think it is all of our duties to do what we can to help resurrect this once great league.  At the very least we have to Try!  So for my part I came up with some ways the NFL can raise some money while also cutting some costs.      
Start a Gatorade Bucket Challenge – Around 25 million was raised for ALS.  For something as worthwhile as the NFL you gotta be able to double that and your halfway there. 
Buy a keg and sell cups for $1,000,000.  You sell 100 cups and you’ve recouped the whole amount those greedy musicians have stolen from you.
Reduce Costs – We are all aware the NFL is barely making any profit on a 9 dollar beer, but why not use thinner plastic for the beer cups in stadiums.  You’ll save money on plastic plus they will spill easier meaning more beer sales. 
Charge fatter players more for their jersey’s.
While we’re at it, make Andy Reid pay for a second seat on all team flights.  Airlines would do it.  And since we’re taking a lead from the airlines, charge players $50 to check their bags and $25 for each additional bag.
Expansion Fees – The Houston Texans had to fork over $700,000,000 for the right to be an NFL expansion team.  Why not make the Raiders and The Browns pay an expansion fee every season.  The field one every season.
Replace Joe Buck with silence.

Mom and Dad – Between front office and players the NFL and it’s franchises employ over 3000 people.  If everyone just asked their folks for a few bucks it could add up to some real coin. 

Sell the Washington Redskins to the Native Americans.  You make a pile of money while once again the white man screws the Indians.
Make players bring their own balls. 
Charge fans for the opportunity to return kicks.
Start fining players for minor uniform violations like not having their socks tucked in.  What?  You already do that?  Damn. 
Start charging a fee for the right to buy tickets.  You already do that as well?  Jesus.  How are you broke?

No comments:

Post a Comment