Tuesday, March 17, 2015

Bracketology. For The Idiots, By The Idiots.


The Smartest Guys At ESPN

March is the time of year we start to see the snow melt, we drink green alcohol and the word bracket as well as the terms “Bracketology” and “Bracket busters” start appearing in Pizza commercials, local news broadcasts and out of the mouth of that guy at work who once a year talks to you about sports.  March Madness indeed. 

PHD In Bracketology
Do a bracket or don’t.  Watch the tournament or don’t.  But could we please dispense of the cliché’s?  Could people who don’t care about sports please not talk about this?  And for the love of all things holy, could ESPN stop.  I get that people look forward to this and filling out a bracket and watching it crumble gives a person a connection they otherwise wouldn’t have adding to the interest in the actual tournament.  That’s all fine.  But we need to mandate some cultural change to this time of year and this tournament. 
The talking heads on local and national news need to drop the personal anecdotes.  I doubt your 4 year old daughter did better with her picks than most like you claim every year.  I doubt a 4 year old could fill out a complete bracket correctly by them self.  And even if she did that’s really just a story about you having a kid and trust me.  No one fucking cares that Dave Dahl has a kid.  What’s your point anyway?  That even someone as stupid as your kid has a chance?  And if you do work for the news but don’t cover sports, don’t talk about the tournament on air unless it ties into an actual story you would cover.
That story can’t be about how much time is lost in the work space every year because of the tournament.  If you don’t think that has been covered you are fucking retarded.
The term Bracketology and Bracketologist can only be used in jest or satirically.  In other words ESPN, you cannot interview someone you are crediting as a bracketologist.  It’s not a thing.  Where did he get his degree?  It’s fine if Pizza Hut wants to make it part of some sort of two topping large pizza promotion, but you, ESPN, are supposed to actually cover this event.  You sound like a moron when you refer to a grown man as a bracketologist. 
Currently there are 68 teams in the tournament.  Which is plenty.  Stop talking about who got snubbed.  No one got snubbed.  There are no snubs.  At best there are 20 good teams.  Trust me.  They all got in.  If your team didn’t make it then your team isn’t any good.  And if you made it 70 teams, there would still be just as many teams claiming they were snubbed.  There would still be just as much air time dedicated to who got snubbed.  Just drop it.    
The reporting and coverage of this event should be better.  Not more.  Better.  Lazy reporting should result in people getting less opportunity.  Less air time.  Losing their jobs.  If your job is to regurgitate cliché’s, then you aren’t very good at your job.  If you don’t have something unique to say, it doesn’t need to be said.  And if you read a teleprompter for a living understand this.  YOU ARE NOT THE STORY.  That pretty much applies to everything you cover.  We don’t care that you have a kid, a husband, a wife or a dog.  Your personal anecdotes do not add to the story they distract from it.  And considering how unimportant the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament is, it shouldn’t be that hard to stick your stupid, made up story about how your Yorkie picked the best bracket in your pool, up your ass. 
Go Duke!   

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