The season is officially over for my beloved Vikings and I
have decided to use this forum to break down how I would solve their woes. Before I do let me share my credentials. The only time I have participated in
organized football of any kind was 7th grade. I was so bad they moved me from QB to guard. The experience was so dreadful I wanted to
quit but somehow convinced myself to stick it out. Beyond that it’s been pickup games with
friends and Madden. I have however been
turned down, in writing, for a coaching job with the Vikings that I wasn’t
qualified for. You can’t get turned down
without being considered. Right?
While I’m clearly not an expert I can count the number of
Vikings games I’ve missed since 1980 on both hands. I think that level of torture gives one a
certain perspective that can be useful.
So let’s fix our Vikings.
Well they just fired the coach so I guess first thing you do
is hire a new one. Your last two coaches
routinely seemed in over their head.
Childress was a jerk and stupid.
Frazier was a nice enough guy but was too willing to credit God for key
decisions. I got nothing against God and
to each his own as far as faith. I just
think anyone capable of doing this job should have more than faith to guide the
team and scheme game plans and such. And
if one thing should be clear, loving Jesus has no impact on football
games. This is a pretty elite gig. I don’t care if he’s a calming presence on
the sidelines or one of those guys who blows a vessel after every play. Just don’t give Jesus all the credit. Oh. I
guess it would be nice if they hired someone with head coaching experience at
this level.
The new uniforms are terrible. Especially the matte helmet. If you insist on keeping the jersey’s with
those stupid numbers that are supposed to be Viking ships at least go back to a
shiny helmet. They look like they are
covered in a layer of frost. And while I
like the purple pants by my tally they have never won a game in them. They probably are bad luck. Ditch em.
Sign Jared Allen. I
don’t give a shit how much it takes it’s all monopoly money at this level. Cap schmap.
You found $20 million to get Favre off the tractor a week before the
season started in 2010 you can scrape together whatever it would take to keep
one the teams most popular players. He’s
getting old. He’s not as productive blah blah blah. They are certain instances when it’s worth
keeping an aging player around. You blew
it with Matt Birk a few years ago. And
he went on to win a Super Bowl with Baltimore.
Don’t let Jared see what kind of interest is out there. Let him know now not later that he is a
Viking.
Then you need a QB. But
again. No one too religious. Religion is for positions that don’t require intelligence. Pretty much anything but QB or Coach. Ponder was slightly less religious than Tim
Tebow and ergo a slightly better QB.
Correct me if I’m wrong I don’t recall Bret Favre thanking God after
games. Coming from the south you know he
goes to church. We don’t need some
religious nut leaving his understanding of a playbook in God’s hands. An NFL QB knows the Playbook is the most important
book in his life. And he’s banging
everything that moves in his down time.
Not rushing to Wisconsin mid season for a secret wedding to a woman he’s
never seen naked.
That’s about it I think.
Oh yeah. Get some better
defensive players. You can send my Super Bowl ring the the SATM office’s.
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