Good Morning America recently welcomed the addition of
Michael Strahan to its morning newscast.
This came after a flurry of change as underrated Sam Champion left for
the Weather Channel. He was replaced by
bubbly Ginger Zee who was making the move from weekend weather girl. Overrated Josh Elliot split for a gig talking
sports for NBC. And apparently left in
such a manner the ABC news president refused him the opportunity to say goodbye
to his fans. He was replaced by Amy
Robach. And then for what seems to be no
reason they announced the promotion of Lara Spencer to co-anchor.
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| WE NEED MORE PENIS |
I am aware that GMA is far from hard hitting news. In fact it’s a good gauge for when something
that was once cool no longer is simply by appearing on their show. (Viral videos. Gene Simmons.) But it is still classified as news. Why does the American public need to be
distracted to enjoy news? Why would we
ever feel the need to tweet what we’re watching? Why do we think the news is better when it’s
starts with dialogue like this.
George: Good morning America.
I’m George Stephanopoulos. And this is Robin Robinson. Good morning Robin.
Robin: Good morning George and good morning
America. We’re pleased to welcome
Michael Strahan to our panel of teleprompter readers. Good Morning Michael.
Strahan: Good morning Robin. Good morning George. Good morning America. I’m happy to join the show.
George: Fucking great to have ya! For our first story. We have more unsubstantiated speculation
regarding that plane that crashed into the ocean somewhere. For that we’re gonna kick it to Michelle
Franzen who has no actual news to report.
Franzen: Good morning George. Good morning Robing. Good Morning Michael. Good morning America.
AHHHHHH!
Lets dissect.
When Sam Champion left the logical
replacement was Ginger Zee. She had been
working the weekend weather for sometime is perfectly fine to look at and seems
capable of putting together complete sentences.
Never mind that the weather is the biggest waste of time on any news
channel the fact is people wanna see it so someone’s gotta do it. Might as well be her.
Then Josh Elliot is suddenly gone. Off to add his specific brand of unoffensive
opinion in an all sports format for NBC Sports.
The nerve. This was apparently
out of nowhere as he was not given the heroes send off that Sam Champion received. He was replaced by the almost gender neutral
Amy Robach. No longer would she be one
of people stories were kicked to. She
gets a seat at the big table.
Now this move had a ripple effect. Longtime weekend story teller Ron Claibourne
who is also… black, had to be miffed that someone with less seniority and less
skin pigment be chosen for the job he’s been doing on the weekends for years. My suspicions on this were
enhanced when the weekend edition of GMA had Dan Harris speaking of ole Ron as
if her were the pope (Did you know Josh Elliot met the pope?) as they lead into
a story about his magnanimous contribution to underprivileged youth in his home
town. What did Pope Ron do for these
ne’r do well rapscallions to help put them on the straight and narrow? He showed them how to do his job. That’s right.
You too can read words on a screen.
Stay in school kids.
The next ripple came in the wake of Lara
Spencer’s new title. Now she has always
given her job of covering celebrities too much importance, but why call her a
co anchor? But was there really a need
for a title bump? Friday of this
tumultuous week had Robin out and instead of sliding newly anointed co-anchor
Lara into her chair, they kept her off to the side and had Amy Robach sit in
the spot typically reserved for Robin.
In what seemed like an effort to placate Lara she was given one of the shows first “serious” stories.
And why bring in Strahan? I think after all the changes the producers realized something. There’s only one man left on the show. It’s unfortunate that so many female
candidates were so qualified to replace outgoing cast members. “We need more penis!” shouts one the producers. “Get me Strahan. He’s got a penis!”
Outside of George and Amy, everyone on the
show has a hard time not coming off phony or self important. Ginger wants the world to know she is not
just a pretty face former cheerleader.
She’s an enthusiast of extreme weather.
Or more aptly, Xtreme weather.
Lara is the most logical choice to replace Josh in the arena of putting
one’s self into a story. And anytime
some team wins a championship of some sort it seems they are from Robins home
town.
Why does any of this matter? Well it largely doesn’t. But it does.
They have promo clips of cast members sneaking up on unsuspecting
fans. Fans? Of a talking head? They only thing that should matter for TV
news on camera talent is to be easy to look at and the ability to form
sentences while speaking clearly. It is
an extremely unimportant job and the idea that there are actual human brains
that consider themselves fans in nauseating.
And look. Just because there job
is meaningless doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be compensated. And it doesn’t mean anyone could do it. (Almost anyone.) But aren't we passed the idea that being on TV is important?
If ESPN decides they need 18 former jocks
sitting on stools in a row to properly cover the Super Bowl, while just as
ridiculous, it matters less as there is no pretense of importance. While GMA isn’t hard hitting investigative
journalism they do mix in a lot of serious news that affects the lives of
Americans. And to treat it like a gong
show? Why do we care how many people
tell us the news? Can’t the person
anchoring the show also do the stories?
Would fewer people watch?
Alas GMA is just a microcosm of how bad it’s
gotten. We need a hashtag superimposed
in the lower corner of the screen so we can live tweet what we think about
something we read on the news scrawl scrolling across the bottom of the screen
while we digest live coverage of flooding in Alabama.
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