Monday, February 24, 2014

Dammit KISS! You Owe Me!

I had planned on writing a blog detailing the many reasons KISS deserves the HOF induction.  But with the news of Gene and Paul being unwilling to play a few songs with Ace and Peter I just don’t feel like it.  First we find out Gene and Paul only want to play with the current band.  Then once word got out they decided not to play at all.  Bunch of fucking babies.  As a fan since 1977 I have become accustomed to the powers that be KISS kicking me in the nuts from time to time but something about this latest act is different.  It has weakened my passion for the band in a way that has never happened before. For the first time in my life I feel KISS has actually taken something that was mine. 

My allegiance and wallet have been taken for granted before.  From the overpriced KISStory 2 to Gene’s big mouth and stupid reality show.  And we all remember the treat to turn KISS into a contest that would replace every member of the band via that ridiculous Rock Star show.  But this, this is personal.  When you dressed up Tommy and Eric as Ace and Peter I didn't like it.  But I let go.  I figured it was your prerogative.  When you made me go to Wal Mart to buy that horrible album Sonic Boom.  I set aside my civic sensibility and went to Wal Mart.  When you followed it up with the equally as bad Monster I still bought it.  I figure I kind of have to at this point.  I have taken abuse from classmates, families, churches, teachers, musicians and gas station attendants just because I like your music.  I have stood by and watched Bruce Kulick, a guy with some ability, not even try to play a single Ace Frehley solo right.  All while looking like a six foot poodle.  I have given you all of this and never once asked for anything.  Looks like its time I did. I need you to do something for me.

Gene and Paul.  Tonight when you go home I want you to look around at all you have.  I want to look at your children and think how they and probably their kids will never have to actually work a day in their life. They’ll get to pursue their passions in a way you never could.  I want you think about how much that couch they probably live on costs. I want you think about how much of your money wife spent today. And then realize that it’s me, not you, who pays for those $700 jeans your child is wearing.  Don’t get me wrong. You worked for it.  You need not apologize for the wealth you’ve amassed.  You do need to appreciate it and where it came from.  Me.  And you can show your appreciation by setting aside your petty gripes with Ace and Peter for one night and play a couple of fucking songs together.  For the love of all things holy.  You won.  When will it be enough?  When you eat Ace and Pete’s first born?  You may have many reasons for not doing it but I have one reason for doing it that trumps them all.  Me.  The fan.  Do it for me. 

Ace and Peter.  You do realize this is partially your fault?  Now I know that it would stand to reason that an event like this, maybe the powers that be could set aside the hatred for a night and just celebrate what they accomplished with you. But you have put yourself in a position that an argument can be made to exclude you from a legacy that is truly yours.  I said it before.  Ace and Peter may have dug their own graves.  But Gene and Paul gave them the shovels and a map to the cemetery. 

And you Rock n Roll HOF.  You didn't think you were getting out of this did you?  You, more than any made this mess possible.  Had you done the right thing and put KISS in when they were first eligible in 1999 none of this would be happening.  All four of the original members were in the band at that time. None of this abuse of the fans would be going on right now.  You self righteously kept one of the two most influential rock bands in American history out of the HOF while making room for rap acts and country artists. Shame on you.  Something tells me your petty asses are enjoying this. Something tells me you wouldn't have it any other way.  You are a joke and always will be. 

It is now that I will remind you all that I am the self appointed Commissioner of Rock.  And as such I am entitled to make a ruling.  And it is as such.

1 – The Rock and Roll HOF will issue an apology to fans of music everywhere for being such dicks.  They will in detail list the merits of KISS’ induction to such a degree that they will be forced to admit they kept them out on purpose because they are said dicks.  They will commit to change and future voting will be made public.

2 – Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley will agree to play no more than three songs of my choosing at the induction ceremony.  They will play with Ace and Peter and whoever else they feel should share the stage with them.  No one will wear makeup.  They will then apologize to all of their fans for taking them for granted.  Then they will thank us for the nice house and buying their kids sweet clothes.

3 – Ace and Peter will graciously accept the invite to jam some tunes with whatever KISS alumnus Gene and Paul choose.  They too will apologize to the fans.  Because lets face it, they've been dropping deuce’s on us far longer than Gene and Paul.  It’s time everyone involved acknowledge the only victims here are the fans. 

All kidding aside, there are bands getting inducted the same night as you that don’t have the luxury of refusing to play the original lineup because some of it is dead.  Your all still alive.  It’s time to back up your words with action. Don’t do it because Ace and Peter want to.  Do it because I want you to.

(Disclaimer:  The use of the term “I” and "me" throughout was largely a metaphor for all KISS fans.  “I” didn’t personally buy Nick Simmons a pair of designer jeans.  I went in on a pair with a few million other people)

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