Like it or not the Super Bowl is a big deal and odds are tomorrow night you're going to find yourself in front of a TV watching. And for those of us who actually follow an NFL team we more than likely will not be watching our team. If you're not one of the dipshits that loves to regurgitate "I just watch for the copmmercials" every year, I am offering you a guide to pick who to root for. In typical Snark fashion I will not be giving you reason to root for one team, but rather reasons not to root for either team. Hope this helps.
Look. Peyton Manning is a freak of nature. We get it. But that doesn't mean everyone outside of Denver can't be sick of it and his stupid ass Papa Johns commercials. It's like renting a Super Bowl trophy. And are their worse human beings on the planet that the Gay bashing citizens of Colorado? Could they be more white? I'm pretty sure every non-white person in the Denver area plays for the Bronco's or the Nuggets. Peruse the crowd at a Bronco game and it resembles a Mormon congregation. And they are stupid. Just a little over two years ago the morons who follow this team were anointing Tim Tebow the next John Elway. They don't deserve anything. They got two trophies at the end of Elway's career. Manning got one with the Colts. His actual team. Do they really deserve another? These are the same phonies who inherited the Quebec Nordique's power house team and suddenly they became hockey fans. Just a mass of horrible human beings walking around in those hideous North Face jackets.
Where do you start. The coach is fucking cheater. Ran a dirty program in college. Left just as the school was being sanctioned by the NCAA to take more money to coach the Seattle Seahawks who have had the most PED suspension's since Slippery Pete took over the team. Richard Sherman is a dick. He spouts off like a retarded teenager. Then apologizes. Not for what he said but for how the media covered it. And speak of horrible fans. I don't think this city was aware it had a football team before 2000. Now they're the "12th Man!" Fuck you. You will find a smaller ratio of grown men dressed like it's Halloween at the psych ward at comic con. And who the fuck designed their Jersey's? They are actually worse the Bronco's. It's like a sleeve of tennis balls vomited on the Boise State football field. And Percy Harvin may just be the worst human being on the planet. Considering that Warren Sapp and Keyshawn Johnson already have rings do we really want him to get one? And what the fuck is a Seahawk? It's not really a bird you know.
Jesus. Why the fuck am I gonna watch the game. Rooting for either team is like rooting for Satan. It's like making a Star Wars movie with Darth Vader against The Emperor. You know what. Don't watch. The commercials aren't worth it. Fuck sports. Fuck the NFL. I'm done. Until next season.