Most Overrated, Underrated, Bands of All Time

How do you define Underrated?  The dictionary says: underestimate the extent, value, or importance of (someone or something). Ok.  Then what is the value of a musician or band?  Record sales and butt’s in the seats seems a fair judge.  Influence is another factor.  So if someone were to say Eric Clapton was underrated they would be stating that more people should be:  Buying his records.  Going to his concerts.  Acknowledging his influence.  (I use Slowhand solely as an example.  I don’t know that many would consider him underrated.)  But when we say someone or something is overrated are we really putting it in that perspective?  Or are we just saying it because no one likes someone we like.  OR, are you just a pompous ass who thinks everyone else is too stupid or Neanderthal to truly “get it”?  Parameters have been set!  I give you my list of:

 

THE MOST OVERRATED UNDERRATED BANDS OF ALL TIME!

(In no particular order) 

 

Kings X – I’m not sure what happened first.  I became aware of Kings X or I became aware that Kings X were a vastly underrated band.  It seems to be part of any conversation regarding this band.  But exactly how are they underrated.  Their songs have a weight to them.  Listening to them is kind like sit ups for your ears.  And if their tone was a drink it would be a martini.  An extremely dry martini.  Sure they're top notch musicians but talent has never been key to success.  And if you are gonna be a "musicians" band then you are limiting your fan base considerably.  Take a band like Rush.  They aren’t for everyone but they still manage a sizable following.  I use Rush because I think it’s fair to assume anyone who doesn’t like Rush, wouldn’t or doesn’t like Kings X.  And most Rush fans don’t listen to Kings X.  If anything they are overrated.  6 studio albums on a major label and not one went gold and only twice did they crack the top 100.  They were given more rope than their success would dictate.  They wanted the exposure bands like Poison and Warrant got but insisted on having a singer with a Mohawk and a guitar player who purposely made his guitar tone annoying.  It’s fine if you don’t want to play the game but don’t bitch because no one gets you.  After reading their bio they should change their name to Despite Critical Praise.  VH1 listed them as the 83^rd greatest hard rock artist of all time.  Look for my future blog to be titled “83 Hard Rock Bands Better Than Kings X”.

 

 
 
 
John Prine – He’s not Jimmy Buffet and he’s not Bob Dylan.  He’s also not good.  Sure he's got a Grammy or two but for the kind of Grammy they don't televise.  In the unlikely event you actually run into one of his fans, don’t ask “Who’s John Prine?”  Not if you any other plans that day anyway. 

 

 

Gary Moore – If Eddie Van Halen looked like Gary Moore I got a feeling most of us would’ve never heard Eruption.  Gary Moore will always be the Irish Ronnie Montrose.  The Bruce Kulick of the Blues.  He was a fine guitar player with plenty of chops and he may have influenced a few guys to play guitar but he couldn’t influence anyone to buy his records.  He was in Thin Lizzy twice and wasn't a founding member.  His career is full of gaps and style changes.  When your claim to fame is being a replacement player in a two hit band and you are constantly in the middle of an identity crisis, you are probably not going to reach the level of fame and success that Gary Moore managed.  Which is why he is anything but underrated.     

 

 

 

 

Saxon – Is there any chance that there is someone who would like Saxon that doesn’t already?

 

 

 

 

 

KIX – My sister is gonna kill me for this one but she didn’t even get into the band until 4 years after they broke up so fuck her.  (I didn’t mean that sis.)  If hair metal was a Saturday morning cartoon it would be called Kix.  Rumor has it Poison’s entire stage show was stolen from Kix.  But since Poison is vastly overrated, that’s not a sign of greatness.  This band is just goofy.  Named after a breakfast cereal.  The bass player and principal songwriter was like 90 years old in their heyday.  The singer sings with a lisp.  One of the guys is named Jimmy Chocolate or something fucking stupid like that.  Even their ad’s in Circus magazine in the 80’s made you wonder if they were actually a real band.  I admit I like some of their songs but more as a guilty pleasure.

 

 

 

UFO/Michael Schenker – Well this one may give Eddie Trunk an aneurism but fuck UFO.  Hard Rock isn’t meant to be this boring.  Their “classic” stuff actually has a musty smell when you listen to it.  And who hasn’t been in this band?  They have so many former members they actually formed a band and called it X-UFO.  None of the guys in this traveling tribute to bore rock are original members.  And the most famous member, Michael Schenker, was the fourth guitarist they had.  And Michael Schenker is the Gary Moore of hard rock. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You wanna know what underrated is?  From 1986 – 2000 Michael Jordan never played in a game that wasn’t sold out.  Cities with horrible teams that no one wanted to see play would sell out to see MJ.  And during that time he missed a total of 7 games.  UFO has more former members than MJ had sick days.  How many people do you know miss only 7 days of work over 15 years?  He made over a billion dollars for Nike as an endorser and the NBA’s TV contracts more than doubled over his career.  Million dollar shoe contracts were tossed at any rookie with the gamble they may have the next MJ on their hands.  While he made himself retardedly wealthy, the majority of the money he made went to other people and entity’s.  He made something like 25 million dollars his last season with the Bull’s and that was a bargain for the team.  That is underrated. 

 

    

Your Father Loved You... He Just Didn't Like You.

My Dad wasn’t always sure what to do with me.  I was a typical kid who loved playing games and anything that involved being outside.  And while I liked sports and Ice Cream.  I also liked hard rock music.   And a band called KISS was the center of that universe.  While my Dad was religious he never showed any concern with me accidentally worshipping the devil.  But I still wouldn’t call him supportive of my desire to rock.  More, support by not stopping me. 

 

He never seemed all that interested.  But then nobodies dad did.  You either had super strict parents that wouldn’t let you do anything but go to school and church or you had typical parents who would let you scrape your knees and put a few bumps in your head while they talked with other adults about grown up things.  Most everyone I grew up with had to go to church and we all got in trouble if we got grass stains on our church clothes.  And when one of our parents took us to a KISS concert it wasn’t for their enjoyment. 

 

The modern Dad seems intent on making sure their kid is raised liking the same things they did.  An AC/DC or KISS concert is something they feel their child needs to experience before it’s too late.  Too late for what?  They have to make you watch Star Wars because it’s awesome.  I touched on this in my last blog.  All of things you got into or enjoyed from your childhood or even into your teens and 20’s.  Would they have better if your Dad were just as into it as you were?  Would you want your Dad playing the role our friends did when we were kids?

 

Before you answer lets ask a couple of questions.  Why does the modern dad feel it necessary to share Star Wars with his son?  Bonding?  A chance to relive their childhood?  That’s probably what “they” will tell you.  But while the second is probably more true than the first I think there is a subliminal reason festering in the brain of the modern parent.  The myth of a loving father.

 

For some reason (TV) my generation seems to be the first that felt Dad didn’t love them enough.  We wanted Mike Brady and got Archie Bunker.  The world is full of 40 year old men who promised they would be more involved in their child’s life.  From cutting the umbilical cord to attending Comic-con.  They will leave work for little league games and make sure they know how much daddy loves them.  At any cost.  Which in turn has filled the world with 20 year olds who think the start time of their shift at Target is more of a guideline.  And it’s no coincidence that music has stopped evolving because of it.  We have immersed ourselves so deep into our children’s lives they have no organic path of finding anything new, including music, so they listen to what their parents listen to. 

 

Starting with Elvis there has been a sizeable shift in music approx. every 5-7 years.  By in my analysis (I am the Commissioner after all) there hasn’t been on since 1998.  Every form of popular music, pop, country, hard rock and metal, has become more formulaic than at any time.  And with streaming becoming more and more popular it will become even less likely the next great thing will ever be heard.  Everything is heading toward monthly fees and contracts.  Soon your toaster will need an internet connection and a signed user agreement to warm up a bagel.  And it’s this generations fault.  And therefore, their parents fault for raising apathetic slugs who don’t want anything and are devoid of any real inspiration.  They just want their parents to continue to pay for their smart phone.   

 

Discovery might be the single most important part of growing up.  It’s not just about having a favorite band or creating fond memories.  It’s what teaches us not to run in itch weed.  And it’s what makes us seek out more of what we love and less of what we hate.  It’s how we develop life skills like cognitive reasoning, time management and trouble shooting.  It makes us think and that develops our brains.  And with that it’s the parents job, NAY!  It’s their sworn duty to allow that to happen as organic as possible.  Now I’m not suggesting we go back to a time when the father smoked cigarettes in the waiting room while mom spent 36 hours squeezing you out (yes I am), but something closer to form of parent that raised us. 

 

It’s time my generation cut our Dad’s some slack.  They did a better job raising us than we’re doing with our kids.  Most of us have fond memories of our fathers and moments we bonded.  Are we so narrow that we can only bond with our kids if it involves OUR interests?  Is it really the role of a parent to be friends with their children?  Or should we walk behind them to help when they fall?  Let your kids discover music and movies and so many other things on their own.  Let them find their own Star Wars.  Their own band.  Let them have their own fond memories to share when they are older.  I promise some of them will be of you.  You are their Dad.  And by God once they turn 16 make em' pay for their own cell phone.  Teach em’ some fucking responsibility for fucks sake.  Happy Father’s Day.  Now fuck off.    

Review - Paul Stanley: Face The Music A Life Exposed or... It Must Be NIce To Eat Swordfish Whenever You Want

So now every member of KISS has officially written a book.  Or at least had help writing a book.  I’ve read Gene’s (Look at all the famous people I have in my rolodex.)  Then Ace’s (Girls are attracted to me.  And my penis is big.)  Then came Peter’s (Paul’s gay, Elton John wanted me to drum for him and my penis is bigger than Ace’s.)  And lastly we have Paul’s. 

 

If you suspect Paul went last intentionally.  Reading his book will confirm it.  Paul has touted his book as a story about overcoming obstacles.  And I suppose it is but it’s rings a little whiny considering the largest obstacles in life he overcame by his late 20’s.  But discusses them into his late 50’s.  He was lonely.  His wife never seemed impressed with how awesome he was.  Gene is selfish.  At about the 300 page mark you just feel like Paul needs to hang out at more KISS conventions because it seems the only thing his life is missing is constant praise. 

 

One thing becomes clear right quick.  He’s also got it in for Peter.  He pulls no punches with Gene either but his criticisms of Gene seem more honest and legit.  His problem with Peter seems personal.  And considering Peter said he caught Paul giving Ace a blowjob in his book, it may be deserved.  But that doesn’t make it true.  I’ve seen Peter in KISS and I can tell you as recently as the Farewell Tour he was able to play drums and he could sing an entire song without help.  From the beginning Paul talks of Peter as someone who could barely face the proper direction behind a drum kit much less play it, he couldn’t sing without constant coaching and was a dumb illiterate complainer.  For someone who has pretty much projected an air of taking the high road throughout his career, this seems petty.  That said, Paul has dealt with gay rumors his entire adult life.  And to have a former member of your make that same claim would make many of us retaliate. 

 

And speaking of being gay.  Paul spends too many words on the girls he banged.  I get it.  You had sex with chicks who were hot.  I got enough of that in Ace's book.  And while I found Paul's book the most revealing look into the inner workings of KISS, he also comes off as disingenuous at times.  He claims Eric Carr stopped talking to him on the Hot In The Shade Tour and never knew why.  Those of us who have spent our lives following this little band called KISS know this is bullshit. 

 

But in the end he sounds like someone who’s pretty much got everything anyone would ever want.  Fame, money, family, abs of steel and an Arena Football League team named after himself.  And who doesn’t want to own a restaurant with Gene Simmons?  At the end of his book I was left with one thought that will stick with me…

 

It must be nice to eat Swordfish whenever you want