Thursday, November 20, 2014

Snark Chop: Will Smith is a Bad Dad!

Kids are stupid and they just get stupider as they enter the teen years.  It’s part of being young.  As adults it’s our duty to understand this.  And as parents it’s our duty to guide our children through all of the things they don’t wanna do.  Will and Jada Smith’s offspring were recently interviewed by the New York Times for some reason.  And the interviewer, who I assume is an adult, is failing as an adult.  When a kids says something stupid you don’t enable or encourage more stupidity.  But as teenagers, Willow (girl) and Jaden (boy), are oozing the stupid.  The best kind too.  The “I smart” stupid.
Time to Snark Chop
On the topic of what they are currently reading. 
WILLOW: Quantum physics.
Like all 14 year old girls
JADEN: “The Ancient Secret of the Flower of Life” and ancient texts;
When he says ancient texts I assume he’s referencing a flip phone
On whether they feel time is going fast
WILLOW: I mean, time for me, I can make it go slow or fast, however I please, and that’s how I know it doesn’t exist.
Willow's mustache is coming in nice
Exactly.  Wait.  You can control time?
JADEN: If you are aware in a moment, one second can last a year.
WILLOW: Because living.
JADEN: Right, because you have to live.
That is a whole new level of stupid right there.
On the themes that reoccur in their work.  (Work?)
JADEN: The melancholiness of the ocean; the melancholiness of everything else.
So melancholy then.  Willow?
WILLOW: And the feeling of being like, this is a fragment of a holographic reality that a higher consciousness made.
JADEN: [bursts into laughter]
Hmm.  That’s really stupid. 
On, well to be honest, I have no idea what’s going on here.  Something about happy fruit. 
JADEN: When you’re thinking about something happy, you’re thinking about something sad. When you think about an apple, you also think about the opposite of an apple
On how Willow is helping black girls with her music.
WILLOW: I mean, “Whip My Hair” was a great thing. When I look back I think, “Wow, I did so much for young black girls and girls around the world.”
Unplanned pregnancy?  Listen to this.
And then Jaden chimes in with his own genius.
JADEN: That’s another thing: What’s your job, what’s your career? Nah, I am. I’m going to imprint myself on everything in this world.
You mean like a mushroom stamp?  You’re a little young for that kinda talk. 
On how they write music.
JADEN: She gets in the booth and just starts singing.
WILLOW: I mean, the beat is usually what moves me. Or I think of concepts. Then when I hear a beat that is, like, elaborating on that concept, I just go off.
JADEN: She freestyles and finds out what she likes. Same thing with me.
Ok this is total bullshit.  When you hear an “artist”, usually hip hop, say something like this here’s the translation.  People with talent and resources take my money and make songs.  I come in later and do what they tell me.  Then they make it sound somewhat musical and I take credit as a writer. 
On what I think is how they only need themselves for inspiration
WILLOW: There’re no novels that I like to read so I write my own novels, and then I read them again.
That’s called thinking.
On collaborating with each other.
WILLOW: Me and Jaden just figured out that our voices sound like chocolate together.
I’m starting to think they don’t know what chocolate is
On... Fashion?
WILLOW: I like to go to places with my high-fashion things where there are a lot of cameras. So I can just go there and be like, “Yep, yep, I’m looking so sick.” But in my regular life, I put on clothes that I can climb trees in.
Dear God that is stupid.
On breathing?  Or babies?  Fuck if I know. 
WILLOW: You have to breathe in order to live.
JADEN: When babies are born, their soft spots bump: It has, like, a heartbeat in it. That’s because energy is coming through their body, up and down.
WILLOW: Prana energy.
JADEN: It’s prana energy because they still breathe through their stomach. They remember. Babies remember.
WILLOW: When they’re in the stomach, they’re so aware, putting all their bones together, putting all their ligaments together. But they’re shocked by this harsh world.
Shaking my head
And they save the best (dumbest) for last.  On Education
JADEN: Kids who go to normal school are so teenagery, so angsty.
WILLOW: They never want to do anything, they’re so tired.
JADEN: You never learn anything in school. Think about how many car accidents happen every day. Driver’s ed? What’s up? I still haven’t been to driver’s ed because if everybody I know has been in an accident, I can’t see how driver’s ed is really helping them out.
Really.  Everyone you’ve ever known to be in drivers ed got in an accident?  And you equate a fundamental education to drivers ed?  And you never learn anything in school?  Please make it stop.

That is enough teen dumb-assery to power a Presidential motorcade.   
This isn’t new age parenting.  This isn’t a fresh approach to education.  These are two spoiled kids who think they have figured out something no one else has.  This is parents unwilling to stand up to their child.  When a kid says he doesn’t want to go to school it’s the parent that says “Too bad.”  Look.  With the money Will Smith has made his kids probably don’t need to go to school.  Or drive.  But if they wanna skip all stuff teens don't wanna do then why should they be allowed to dump their music on an innocent public?  Or breed?  What happens when they start getting horny.  Based on this interview there’s at least a chance they will have sex with each other at some point.  When your best friend is a sibling then something is wrong. 
Teenagers are stupid and taking them serious only makes things worse.  Having famous and rich parents doesn’t change that.  And when you have two of them who are so stuck on how important they are as these spoiled little pieces of shit, then interviewing them for the New York Times is a crime against humanity.       

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