Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Alcohol of Fame 2015 Nominees

Here are the nominee's for the Snark At The Moon Alcohol Of Fame, Class of 2015.  Winners will be announced the first week of February. 
Justin Timberlake - Probably not the first name that comes to mind when you think of famous drunks but that's how they all start.  Sneaky. 

Miley Cyrus - In what is a sad and desperate attempt to seem more grown up Miley has resorted slutting around and doing body shots of the local skanks in a I'm totally cool with lesbians way.  Sadly she will always look like a boy so it ends up being an uncomfortable arousal.  The kind that needs booze. 
Justin Bieber - Is he even old enough?  He has been videod taking a piss in a mop bucket while some creepy old guy watched.  His drunken parties has ended with the cops investigating an egging at a neighbors house.  Fuck them.  He's J-Biebs dammit!
Scott Stapp -  Well known for drunken on stage ramblings and half assed attempts at singing, ole yerdeler's tale has gotten kind of sad as it seems to have gone a little bat shit.  His ex is trying to get him committed while he's trying to file fraud charges against the US Government on Thanksgiving Day.  Stay thirsty you crazy bastard.
Lemmy - Just missed the cut last year, lifetime alcoholic Lemmy hopes the second time is the charm.  His years of drinking have caught up to him however as he battles with his doctor over the definition of "No more".  Good luck to him as the world needs more Lemmy and less Biebs, Stapp and Timberlake. 
Rob Ford - Super politician Rob Ford has finally lost his hold on the office of Mayor for the great city of Toronto.  Hopefully he won't lose his hold on that bottle of double malt. 
Amy Winehouse -  Her addiction took her life.  But not her booze. 
Pamela Anderson - This picture say "I still got it."  If by it you mean a drinking problem then yeah sweetheart.  Ya still got it. 
Diana Ross - When of the most famous DUI arrests in the history of DUI arrests Ms. Ross acted just like we thought she would if she were pulled over and hammered. 
Kate Moss - Once you survive a heroin addiction drinking ain't shit.  Still bouncing around on the cocks of largely heterosexual photgraphers Kate always finds time to party.  She is one highball away from doing hardcore porn so to that we say, drink up!
Lindsay Lohan - Has anyone ever slammed so much drunko in to such little time?  Lilo looks like she aged 40 years in a month and a half.  We now know where her mom got her looks.  Cigarettes and alocohol. 
Noel Gallagher - The feistier of the Gallaghers.  So his bands day is over.  Put on a football match and have a few pints as the boys run round the pitch.  He's also a bit of a fighter when drunk so, you know.  Look out. 

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