Happy Holidays bitches.
It's that time of year where we do all the things that require us to ask Jesus for forgiveness. While out trudging through snow packed parking lots we will likely come upon the phrase "Happy Holidays" at least once. Which means there will be some people who will react as if you just burned their bible in front of them. The fact that there are people who find this phrase
offensive and an attack on their religion should be more alarming to all of
us. It’s a neutral greeting made for the
holiday season and to find it offensive is as ridiculous as being offended by
someone saying “Hi” instead of “Hello”.
Actually it stupider as one could make a proper grammar argument about
Hello vs. Hi. But let’s come back to
this.
For far too long the day after Thanksgiving (Black Friday)
has been the day people employed in retail have had to get out of bed at 3:00
in the morning so that the worst people on the planet could score an
unbelievable door buster deal on a toaster.
Or a flat panel TV. And bless the
poor sons of bitches under the employ of Sam Walton’s offspring. Because in Wal-Marts around the country,
shoppers take the term “Door Busters” literally as they trample the old and the
weak on their way to big savings on a blu-ray player. After all.
With great savings comes great sacrifice.
As stories of people being trampled increased, you’d think
we could all agree that it was time we re-examine just what the hell it is
we’re doing. Getting out of bed just as
our REM sleep was beginning to kick in. Bundling up
and heading out to fight others willing to make the same sacrifice all in the
name of saving a few bucks. When did
getting a good deal on electronics become something we brag about? But instead of assessing our priorities, we
up the ante. Opening at 4:00 am the day
after Thanksgiving wasn’t early enough.
We need to open on Thanksgiving at 8:00 PM. Ensuring those who work in retail for a
living that they will never have a Thanksgiving off. Think about that for a moment. Never.
For what? I only ask that one
person explain to me why this is necessary or even good. Explain to me how this isn’t selfish.
While we could go on about the commercialization of
Christmas but to me this is more than that.
This is mean. This is lack of
empathy. This is… evil. While it’s true that Wal-Mart is a diabolical
corporate entity that does more to keep poor people poor than the lottery, it’s the consumers that turn a blind eye
in the name of savings. It’s the
consumer who chooses to follow the trend instead of create it. It is the consumer who turns a blind eye to
the person they are stepping on. It is
the consumer who is to be held accountable.
At least when it was just stupid early it had the feel of an
event. But now, opening at 8:00 pm and
closing at 2:00 am. Then opening at 6:00
am? Why?
Let's tie in the whole Happy Holiday’s
controversy.
Those who drop change in a tray a couple Sunday’s a month
while attending some sort of Christian faith feel they own the Holiday. It is in theory the day we
celebrate the life of Jesus and he’s the one they pray to when they need
forgiveness for being a horrible human being.
So they kind of got a point. So
they get a little defensive when someone has the nerve to say “Happy Holidays”
in lieu of “Merry Christmas”. They feel
it minimizes the true meaning of the Holiday.
Too bad they don’t feel that way about walking across someone’s skull at
4:00 in the morning in an effort to get the Gilmore Girls Complete Series box set DVD
for 10 bucks.
In other words, you should’ve seen this coming. Christmas is more than a day Christians
remember Jesus and give thanks for his sacrifice. Publicly traded companies close their doors for a couple of days. Schools, public schools, shut down for what
they conveniently call Christmas break.
And guess what. Some of the
people who attend those schools and work at these places aren’t Christian. But for some reason, they too like
presents. Greed and selfishness is not something those of Christian faith should feel entitled to and is the main reason Christmas has become so mainstream. And now that it is shared by companies that
employ and are patroned by people of all faiths, that same selfishness rears
its head. Over a greeting.
Lets face it.
There are more Christians exchanging presents than there are Christians
making time for Jesus by attending a holiday service. Search your feelings. You know it to be true. In other words, the people who have the
biggest problem with the term “Happy Holidays” are the ones responsible for
it. It’s because of their willingness to
continually amp up the commercialization of Christmas that has forced retailers
to come up with a generic Holiday greeting.
So ask yourself, what will you be doing Thanksgiving or Black Friday?
Keep in mind, there is no one forcing anyone to not say
Merry Christmas. Or replace it with
Happy Holidays. You have to want to be
offended by someone saying Happy Holidays.
What would Jesus do? Turn the
other cheek?
Alas those responsible will never account for their actions making a column like this preaching to the choir. At the very least I implore this.
If you must venture out into the myriad of Door Buster deals
just take a second to smile and maybe throw in a thank you to the people
willing to sacrifice their time. After
all, it’s the Holidays. We should be
nice. Right?
Happy Holidays!
Even though he's clearly an amateur when it comes to boozin' he just does with so much flair it was difficult to keep him out. So for the greateest bannister slide in the history of man kind we are proud to induct this guy.
Is there a more prolific nominee? Ozzy's liver should probably get all the credit considering it does all the work. Ozzy Ozbourne ladies and gentlemen. 
While his hate speech isn't cool the way he embraced being hammered is. His fall was just enough to force himself into the Hall and become just the 4th ever nominee to the Alcohol of fame.
